TAYLOR: Hello everyone, my name is Taylor
RAE: And I am Rae!
PEYTON: And you are watching a game about the lone survivor of the Blue Man Group, yes!
TAYLOR: That's Peyton...
RAE: And this is a game about a very sad, sad vampire who's also very angry at his dad!
PEYTON: Kain is not Raziel's dad, yes...
RAE: Kain doesn't understand Raziel!
PEYTON: Lots of people don't understand _me_, yes!
PEYTON: It doesn't mean everyone is my papa.
RAE: It takes a village to raise a child, Peyton.
RAE: Maybe everyone doesn't understand you because they're your father at heart?
PEYTON: Well then how come they didn't send me the birthday gifts? Yes!
RAE: Because you're really hard to shop for. What do you want for Christmas?
PEYTON: I don't know, like...
PEYTON: Expensive di—I am an adult, I buy things for myself! Yes.
RAE: Well then you are getting socks!
TAYLOR: I could actually use some socks...if you're buying socks.
PEYTON: You guys are terrible! Just give me money, yes.
RAE: You know what would be fun, though?
RAE: If it turned out that Kain actually was Raziel's father.
RAE: The story never got completed, so it's always a possibility.
TAYLOR: Wouldn't that be...
TAYLOR: I dunno, is that a line too far?
RAE: No! Because when you're going crazy, the catch is to just embrace how crazy you're getting.
RAE: Like, imagine Kain goes back, and he sleeps with Raziel's mom,
RAE: And then Raziel escapes from the Reaver and everything is just getting really confusing 'cause all the time loops and stuff like that?
RAE: And then, Kain meets Raziel again, and he gets down on one knee, and he's like:
RAE: "Raziel! I'm your dad!"
RAE: And Raziel just, like, punts him to the moon.
TAYLOR: [Laughing] Just like... everything about you, Raziel,
TAYLOR: Revolves around me, Kain!
TAYLOR: Everything!
RAE: Haha, aw man. No, yeah that would be so fitting!
RAE: Like, just, Raziel cannot escape Kain! Not in any capacity!
PEYTON: You know what I would want to see, yes: is just more things validating the importance of Kain.
RAE: Oh, gosh, like what if Kain went to the future, and he was the prophecied hero of an event in the future...
TAYLOR: Multiple timelines of Kain deification...!
RAE: You see, you see? You go all the way; you just go full tilt on this stuff
RAE: And it's perfect. TAYLOR: No, wait, I got it!
TAYLOR: Kain and Raziel: family holiday dinner.
[All laughing]
RAE: Like he's just sitting around the table with like his brother—
RAE: The have to go back in time to find the brothers before he killed them...
TAYLOR: Uh... RAE: And Kain is sitting there, and it's like yeah...
RAE: No, it turns out Kain is my dad!
TAYLOR: They have to collect his mom, too...sit her down at the table, yeah,
TAYLOR: "So this is what I do. You know, for a living.
TAYLOR: "This is what your son became. I led him into the path of the vampire, you know.
TAYLOR: "It's a good profession! Good profession..."
PEYTON: Kain asks to pass the knife, Raziel throws the knife at Kain!
RAE: Mom runs off crying.
RAE: No-one can agree whose fault it is: Kain thinks it's Raziel's fault, Raziel thinks it's Kain's fault.
TAYLOR: Zephon gets up, tells everyone it's all their fault!
TAYLOR: Everyone gangs up on Zephon.
RAE: [Laughing] And then like...
RAE: Zephon, he tries to think of himself as, like...
RAE: Ah, I don't know the family savior? Like "oh, I take the beating so the family can get together."
RAE: But he didn't really solve anything!
PEYTON: He evolved his legs away, yes!
RAE: He's stuck to the ceiling! They have to go to the cathedral every holiday because he can't leave.
PEYTON: [laughing] Zeph...
TAYLOR: Man, okay, I wasn't thinking about them in their evolved vampire form!
TAYLOR: So mom is now looking at like, giant spiders and like river men,
TAYLOR: Like, Raziel's blue, and has his wings all torn out and they're like "No, yeah, this is for the best!"
RAE: "I didn't bring you into the world... to become, a blue vampire... with no internal organs!"
PEYTON: Do you think it was hard to have war meetings after Zephon evolved his legs away, yes?
PEYTON: Did he keep it a secret for a while?
RAE: Oh yeah, like he kept sending a guy to be like, "uh...
RAE: "No, Zephon is sick...he can't come in right now."
RAE: And pretty soon everyone just figured out he was stuck to the cathedral ceiling.
TAYLOR: Okay, okay. We need to explain this for people who missed past episodes and who aren't familiar with the lore of the Legacy of Kain.
RAE: Alright, yeah-yeah. Okay, so the thing is,
RAE: All the vampires connected to Kain, Raziel and all his brothers?
RAE: When they went to sleep, they would evolve.
RAE: And they gradually evolved into more and more monstrous forms.
RAE: One of Raziel's brothers, Zephon, evolved into a giant spider that was permanently stuck to the ceiling and could not go anywhere.
PEYTON: Pfeheheh, it was the funniest evolution in the entire game, yes!
RAE: Yeah, everybody else was still mobile.
RAE: The weakest of Raziel's brothers was able to get around!
RAE: He was a mound of corpses all sewn together all creepy-like,
RAE: But Zephon... was stuck to the ceiling.
PEYTON: We are in the foyer again, yes!
RAE: Oh, yep, that's another counter for the foyer. [Click]
TAYLOR: "Go. Away!
TAYLOR: "You have had too much to drink.
TAYLOR: "Please leave Vorador's mansion!"
RAE: You know I really like that theory, but actually I think that they locked the front door, too.
RAE: But anyway though, this is the part of the game where I got trapped forever.
RAE: I killed the last statue and the doors did not open.
TAYLOR: Realistically, that only makes Vorador the smartest of all your enemies.
RAE: Yeah, by not opening the door and letting me proceed, I was successfully subdued.
TAYLOR: How many video game heroes do you think could be stopped by just closing doors?
TAYLOR: Because I feel like there are a lot of games that just stop you by closing a door.
RAE: Well, if you want to get really into the meta, basically every game could stop you by just not having exits or a way to proceed.
TAYLOR: No no, like, specifically using the mechanic where someone throws up a gate or obstructs your path and you can't move on until you defeat everybody.
RAE: Well that's a little more obscure...
RAE: I don't know how many games still tend to do that.
PEYTON: There is lots of games where you have to kill the boss to open the door, yes.
RAE: ...Was just checking those paintings there. I remember one of them was breakable in the PS2 version.
RAE: But anyway though, yeah that is an interesting convention, too.
RAE: 'Cause like, the doors are totally indestructible.
RAE: But the bosses are made out of, I dunno, like...
RAE: God-like stuff.
RAE: So theoretically...if they just didn't have the boss in there with the key...you could never get through the door!
TAYLOR: Well, what would take more of a beating? The door, or the boss?
TAYLOR: 'Cause that's the weird part, isn't it? Like, the door is made out of common steel, but the boss might be anything from an ancient dragon to a... a giant robot.
TAYLOR: What if you didn't kill the boss, and instead just went to battle with the door, and then just had a few rounds where you attacked the door with all your magic spells?
RAE: It makes more sense when the boss is the monster that makes the doorway.
RAE: Like, when we run into those guys and they make that clearly magical wall.
RAE: And you have to kill them because, they're the ones making the wall.
RAE: But this is just weird! This is like, Vorador is clearly trying to trap us,
RAE: But he just lets the doors come back up when his statues die!
TAYLOR: Maybe it's a cost saving maneuver.
TAYLOR: Vorador figures if you can kill the statues,
TAYLOR: You can probably break the doors down. So he may as well raise the doors so you don't cause anymore damage than you already did.
PEYTON: Maybe it is a failsafe, yes!
PEYTON: Vorador sometimes wanders around his mansion and accidentally sets off the traps!
PEYTON: He wouldn't want to be trapped in his own doors forever, yes!
RAE: You think the statues ever come awake at night and tromp around, disrupt his sleep?
RAE: (It appeared that shirts and pants were optional in battles between the ancient race and their foes.
RAE: (And here were gargoyles of those enemies, vomiting water perpetually.
RAE: (On their backsides were holes drilled to accomodate a cylindrical object at about waist height.
RAE: (I could only guess at their intended purpose.)
TAYLOR: "Maybe just a lock, or a password," said Vorador.
RAE: "No, no, no!" Said the ancient race.
RAE: "No no, you get these spears, right?
RAE: "And you stab them into these things, and then instead of vomiting up water, blood comes out! Augh!
RAE: "Look at that."
PEYTON: It's coming out the crotch, yes.
RAE: They pee blood! This is the puzzle door key that everyone has been waiting for!
TAYLOR: Now I'm just imagining an ancient vampire in a checkered suit,
TAYLOR: Slicked back hair, "No-no-no listen babe, listen babe.
TAYLOR: "You're a vampire, see? It's all about aesthetic.
TAYLOR: "You gotta have this bleeding statue thing going on, trust me! All the girls just love it."
RAE: "Vampire Door Magazine said that this was the thing, this year. Bleeding statues."
TAYLOR: "What's the cost? Oh, that's the beauty of it, babe!
TAYLOR: "Zero vampire dollars down, so long as you pledge yourself to an eternal servitude, towards our weird religion."
PEYTON: "It's so affordable, yes!"
TAYLOR: "Yeah, yeah. That cheap."
RAE: "You're gonna be the life of the party, man. This is so much better than the golden eyeballs that kill all your party guests at the party.
RAE: "Way better party starter!" TAYLOR: "Yeah, yeah! Vampires _drink_ blood.
TAYLOR: "They get incinerated by golden eyeballs, but—like, you can actually have friends over."
RAE: "Oh, speaking of, uh, aside from our devotion thing,
RAE: "You also have to sign this contract—it's a liability waiver. I mean, I'm sure it's not gonna come up,
RAE: "But, uh...you know. Company practice, standard thing."
TAYLOR: "And if you really want we can throw in the insurance package.
TAYLOR: "That'll insure you against the Chosen One when he comes to your house and opens all these doors, because uh,
TAYLOR: "I'm gonna be honest, it's gonna cause some things to break. Permanently."
RAE: "Yeah yeah, one-time use, most of these doors, you know? They get unlocked once, you can never unlock 'em again."
TAYLOR: "But it's kind of like opening a gift, you know? That makes it exciting. That's part of the charm."
RAE: So um...
RAE: Yeah, we stabbed two statues...
RAE: There's two doors...
RAE: Uh, I'm tryin' to remember now, what happens next...?
RAE: I guess...
RAE: Backtracking, I think.
TAYLOR: Oh, good. That was probably a real big part of the sales pitch:
TAYLOR: "Yeah, no it'll open up _other_ parts of the house, like,
TAYLOR: "Stabbing _two_ of the statues...
TAYLOR: "Won't actually open the door; what it'll do is it'll let you get around to more places so you can find... the third spear."
RAE: "Kids love it! Like aw, man, if you've got nephews, neice—no? No?
RAE: "Because you're a vampire? Okay. Well, if you _had_ nephews or nieces, or if our race could still reproduce!
RAE: "You could look forward to them having hours of fun...trying to figure out how to get out of this hallway."
PEYTON: I imagine this guy is still wearing the toga, yes, but with the checkered suit over it.
RAE: (Stabbing those statues had apparently caused structural damage to certain walls.
RAE: (Not enough to knock them down, just enough to crack them so that I could knock them down if I wanted to exert myself.)
TAYLOR: It's amazing! Nothing is convenient, it actually defies every possible reason someone would build and live in a home.
RAE: No, really! Like, Vorador could live in a cave and it would be less of a hassle for Raziel.
TAYLOR: Would probably be less of a hassle for Vorador!
RAE: It wouldn't look as good, though. The homeowner's association would complain;
RAE: They'd say, "where's all the puzzles?
RAE: "How—How do I respect somebody, if he doesn't have an entire room full of puzzles?"
TAYLOR: I do really like the idea, though, of those golden eyeballs bein' a fad that went around for a while,
TAYLOR: They put them in every temple, and, and uh...
TAYLOR: What—Janos had them in his room. Like, in his house.
RAE: Yeah, those were obviously the thing for a while, but we haven't seen a single one of those since we started this game.
RAE: So, after those temples were built, and a bunch of vampires died...
RAE: Whoever was in charge of making those things they—they probably got sued out of existence!
TAYLOR: Okay, again, for those who didn't watch the previous let's play of Soul Reaver 2:
TAYLOR: In that game, there were a bunch of golden eyeballs that, if you walk within range of them, they vaporized you. Instantly.
TAYLOR: And not just Raziel; any living creature that walked in their range.
RAE: Yeah, and Raziel's mentor—or, supposed mentor, Janos,
RAE: Had a house that just had these golden eyeballs. Like, just out there.
PEYTON: So as Raziel is running around the house, he is just occasionally getting vaporized, yes.
RAE: So, okay... there's probably a clue for what I'm supposed to do with these pillars?
RAE: But I want to go to the water temple, 'cause I think that's what I need!
RAE: And, uh. These pillars will not send me to the water temple.
RAE: I'm trying earth temple? I think this is earth? ...Still gettin' nothin'
PEYTON: It's the mural, Rae! Yes! You organize them in the arrangement of the mural!
TAYLOR: Yeah, this is obviously Skyrim logic.
RAE: I never understand what is the point of these puzzles.
RAE: Like, the answer to the puzzle is there on the wall...why even have the puzzle?
TAYLOR: Well, you're interacting with the game...and solving problems...and, you can feel smart.
RAE: Again, there's just so much money wasted on Vorador's behalf, though.
PEYTON: Do you remember when you were six years old, yes?
PEYTON: And you would try to solve puzzles like this and you would just be confused?
RAE: Yeah, I remember giving up because when I was six, we didn't have, like, very much on the Internet to tell you what to do.
RAE: You had to figure it out for yourself.
TAYLOR: Yeah nowadays I guess kids just go online and they find the answer.
RAE: Everything delivered on a silver platta' for kids these days ma' goodness and my day!
RAE: (Well. I had this giant novelty coin thing.)
RAE: You know when I was a kid, it was hard to have the color purple, 'cause you had to squeeze it out of a mollusk!
TAYLOR: Times have surely changed.
RAE: It's kinda neat sometimes, you know? Growing up, and then talking to a later generation about dial-up or how things used to be?
RAE: And the thing is, I feel like stuff moves so fast now. You don't necessarily have to be old to get in that state.
PEYTON: There was a time, yes, when Google did not own the Internet.
RAE: Yeah. I grew up in a time when I could've invested into Google, and I could be rich right now.
TAYLOR: You were not old enough to invest in Google when that was a thing.
RAE: Well, y—you know, I—I didn't like, have very much money, but...
RAE: Fifty dollars in maybe coulda come out to be, like a thousand dollars or somethin'.
TAYLOR: I think you have to hire a broker for that, and you have to be an adult to hire a broker?
RAE: Do you? I've never really looked into it.
TAYLOR: Yeah, me either, but I just assume.
RAE: (Well, the giant novelty coin apparently went here, but I still needed some kinda triangle thing.)
RAE: But anyway though, speaking of Google, last video we asked for likes and comments!
RAE: And we got like, a ton of likes, and a ton of comments!
RAE: So thank you everybody who played along with us and went ahead and did that.
RAE: Um, it turns out that yes, word on the street is that YouTube has gone back to heavily favoring comments and likes.
RAE: But, I think that they're still favoring post frequency and length, and oh my gosh what is this guy doing?
PEYTON: He's trying to psyche you out, Rae, yes!
PEYTON: Don't fall for it!
RAE: Well I mean, if he wanted to stay in the floor I would just let him live in peace.
TAYLOR: Okay, so anyway, uh...length, and frequency, and also now likes and subscribes!
RAE: Yeah! And if you check the stats on stuff like Game Grumps, for example,
RAE: They think that this recent change is maybe a big reason why they've been losing viewership!
RAE: They've lost like twenty million views.
RAE: And maybe that's not gonna be a sustained thing, they might right themselves, but it's been a big deal.
TAYLOR: So like and subscribe, we guess.
RAE: Ah, nana—ah, sorry—just like! Like and leave a comment. Like, uh [snirk!]
RAE: Right now, go ahead and just hit the like button 'cause we're gettin' to the end of the video...
RAE: And then leave a comment. Today, guys, sometimes I wake up,
RAE: And like, suppose that you were gonna cook breakfast for yourself and somebody else, like you woke up early in the morning,
RAE: And you're tired, because it's like five AM, or whatever,
RAE: What do you cook? Like, what's a good breakfast food?
RAE: If you have an idea, leave a comment.
RAE: Otherwise, just post what you would eat for a cereal.
TAYLOR: Okay, so not subscriptions?
RAE: Well, you know people should subscribe I guess if they want to,
RAE: But YouTube has gotten weird and now they sort of unsubscribe people or they don't notify you of things...
RAE: Um, I don't know if that would be part of their metrics or not!
RAE: No-one seems to know what YouTube is doing anymore, so,
RAE: Bottom-line, the important thing I think is that those of you guys who are watchin' are having a good time and a laugh.
PEYTON: If we can't win by the normal rules, then we make our own win condition! Yes!
RAE: Yeah, we change the rules and say we won because last place was best!
TAYLOR: I believe that philosophy is called 'sour grapes'?
RAE: Sour grapes make for excellent wine!
TAYLOR: And that's called alcoholism, Rae.
RAE: Well, lucky for me I'm a happy drunk so everything works out, Taylor!
TAYLOR: You are a snuggly drunk.
RAE: I'm a snuggle-drunk!
PEYTON: Rae is the type, when she has too much to drink, she stumbles around the party telling everyone compliments, yes!
TAYLOR: Very loudly, we should add.
RAE: Volume control is optional when you're having a good time.
TAYLOR: I think it still sends the wrong message, though, if you give someone a lot of compliments and then pass out in their lap...
RAE: No, it gives exact—it tells them I'm drunk, and then I fall asleep!
PEYTON: It tells people they are sexy, yes!
RAE: I guess also that, and that is okay because people are sexy!
RAE: And anyway, here looks like a good place to stop for now.
RAE: Thanks for playing with us, everybody!
RAE: And hey, all you sexy people.
RAE: The best way that you can actually support us is off of the YouTube platform, on Patreon.
RAE: But! If you want to help us out just how you can right now,
RAE: Spam the like button!
RAE: And also, leave an arbitrary comment about anything at all.
RAE: Um, I'm serious about the breakfast thing. If you have any good breakfast ideas, post those! I want to read them.
RAE: But otherwise, thanks for watching and you guys have a good day!