E3 2017. An absolute perfect event.
*sad piano music*
Now normally, I don't care about E3. I've been let down too many times
TOO many times,
have I watched this shit
and I get so hyped for a game
an- and then it just kills it.
Guy: I worry about
like
disappointing people
ya' know.
Did the game just crash?!
The PS4 just completely crashed.
Ehm..
sort of
Pewds: I found that..
it's so much more satisfying to be pleasantly surprised by a game
rather than just
bitterly
disappointed.
Hype is dangerous.
Hype kills good games.
If you see a cinematic trailer
And you think
"aw that game looks cool"
you better run,
run real fast.
'Cause most likely the game will be shit.
*sounds of various "wow"s and "woah"s*
But now,
I've learned to appreciate E3 for a different reason...
The Cringe compilations.
And god, thank you,
thank you for this year, it was
beautiful!
*silence*
And really gre-- [laughter].
It was- it was spectacular,
but it got better as time went on,
who what?
Aw, Jesse.
God bless you. God bless you.
Now don't get me wrong
I think it's
cool that EA brings in influencers to promote games,
but isn't Jesse a prank channel?
J- ,
I don't know
Whatever like,
I don't care
But at the same time, I could have been there
actually you know what that's prob-
n- never mind never mind, never mind
Jesse: What up guys? Pewds: What is he looking at?
Thank you for having me EA,
if you guys don't know who I am,
my name is Jesse Wellens.
And I am a Youtube creator, so I am here... to...
Why are we still here?
Hahahaha!
Ouahhhh *cringe*
This is painful.
This one is...
SO hard to watch.
I like Jesse, don't get me wrong.
I understand the pressure
and uh-
Apparently the teleprompter fucked up but--
Let's keep watching. Jesse: --About Need for Speed
uhm
payback
uh if you guys didn't know Need for Speed Payback...
I'm bu-- umm..
[Pewds is dying]
You know what?
I'm just gonna let this one play because I-I
just remembered I had-I had a thing
but I'll be right back just uh keep playing it
Pewds: ITS FINE. Don't worry about it. Jesse: Yeah it's a great game.
Jesse: But- Aight, all set aside I'm a Youtube creator.
Need for Speed Payback's coming out Pewds: No no, that's just cool.
I got my boy Marcus executive producer here,
he is... (Jesse is mumbling too much) Pewds: Is that his boy Marcus?!
Pewds: Hell yeah! Jesse: Thank you Ni-- for having me.
Oh my God, I met Jesse
he's a cool dude, like
I'm the kind of guy that will fuck this up.
I don't know what happened, Jesse
Hey man, he-
Hey- hey- hey man
(slowmo) Hey man
Why am I judging other people
publicly?
I-I forgot. What was Jessie again. I forgot.
"I am a YouTube creator."
Okay, okay. Wait. Where are you again?
I forgot.
"I am here"
Oh okay.
"But- Aight, all set aside I'm a Youtube creator."
Oh that's right
He was a youtu- I forgot, shit, okay, cool.
Now of course after this conference
Polygon with the first to
Point out
to attack!
Influencers, as they do,
they keep attacking
Good people like myself
with these wha- vwo- wha- vile/foul/vow?(wtf did he say?)
disgusting claims.
"Game companies can't ignore Youtube or the hope of reaching a broader audience
but if you don't understand what the talent they're paying can and can't do well and plan accordingly it's going to be awkward."
Well goddammit that actually makes sense Polygon. God dammit
This doesn't set my narratiiiiiiiive!
Damn, you Polygon! I was expecting you to write a bunch of shiiiit!
They give influencers swag bags.
DISGUSTING
Why didn't I go to E3 I could have gotten a swag bag this is-
god damn-
I'm an influencer!
I could have gotten one of those SWAG BAGS!
*angry pewds*
Makes me angry
Video games is a wonderful thing
Alright, let's get into some more beautiful moments. I try to collect some of my favorites
He just disabled a moving truck with a grenade while jumping off a horse.
*loud breath* Incredible.
*loud breath*
*louder breath*
That's incredible.
That is. Incredible.
Incredible.
I feel bad. I think that's the reason that compassion is an
important element of a cringe. I hope you guys don't think I'm just judging all these people
I'm- I feel for these people, I BLEED for these people because, I AM these people but ten times worse
*loud breath* Incredible
It hurts, really hurts to see this
I just wish no one was socially awkward, and we could all just live our life normally but in reality
interacting with other people...
it's- it's too hARD
I'm Janina Gavankar
and I play Commander Iden Versio Leader of the Inferno squad in Star Wars Battlefront 2
*sexy glare*
I don't know what-- [Laughing]
You make even just an awkward smile and
The whole world will see that shi--
There's so many ways to fuck up!
Players like Sterling you saw in the video. How his hands are a little bit
Guy in blue shirt: Sterling with the goooooal!
This guy needs to go to jail. Someone needs to send this man to prison.
m' sorry-
"Players like Sterling you saw in the video. How his hands are a little bit-" "Sterling! Sterling with the gooooooooal!"
"Oh yeah."
But the guy in the middle
I wonder what he's thinking about.
This moment. I-I-It's the kind of moment where there's so much going on.
You don't really know what to cringe about there's just so-- It's like a goodie bag of cringe.
You don't know where to pick.
"She said yes!"
Can I get three "Oooh yeah's!" on three? One, two, three!
Oooh yeah! Oooh wha! Oooh wha!--
Like, do you cringe about...
[Pewds tongue falls out of his mouth]
the Ooh yeah's
Do you cringe at this guy being way to in to it?
Do you cringe at these two people trying to kiss
but it's like what are you doing?
~~~~ahhhhhhhhhhhh~~~
And to talk about this unexpected encounter
It is my great honor to welcome a very special guest
someone I truly admire
please
OH SHIT!
ITS MAH BOY! SHIGI!
SHIIIIIGIIIII!
Yeah!
Ho-Hold-- Hold up, ho-hold up, hold up.
Z- zoom in on that picture.
Zoom in on that picture!
Is that...
Is that a rabbit Peach
taking a selfie?
Marzia? Marzia: Hey!
I'm breaking up with you. Marzia: WHAT
That's right, I found someone else.
Marzia: -scared shouting- NOU! NOU!
Raving rabbit peach... selfie version. Phone: You have reached a number that has been disconnected.
I gotta say Beyond Good and Evil does look pretty fucking cool
"Bon appetit-o!"
"Hey yeah, baby!"
But you know it's a cinematic trailer so remember remember what I told you
I want... Every ******** cop
in this ******** city
After that ******** bastard!
So welcome to System Three,
our story takes place before the birth of Jade
in a multi-ethnic multicultural human Society in a distant solar system
A multhi-etnic...(Yeah that's what he said.)
multicultural
society...
That's pretty cool.
Hey, you racist piece of shit. How dare you?
God I'm sorry about Edgar...
Racist fucking dog.
Hey, Uncharted 5 looks pretty cool.
"What started out as a wild idea on paper
has now turned into a groundbreaking,
one of a kind game, called a way out"
"Take a look"
"What's your plan?"
Uncharted 5!
Man: "You have a problem?" Woman: "Yeah I got a--"
I love this
Afro-girl!...
Afro-girl!
Just who the fuck are you
Pewds:Afro-girl!l
Knife and drike?(Drike?)
Pewds: Afro-girl everyone!
Edgar: That's racist man!
Shut the- Shut up. Shut your fucking mouth.
Remember when Valve tried to make you pay for mods?
Remember that?
"Introducing Creation Club"
Well I guess Bethesda forgot. (lul)
(Announcer failing at yelling over the crowd)
She was kind (of trapped?) but she used superior tactics
to get herself out of there,
she's gonna take the win. Let's move on to the next arena
Here we're following Bloody (Marrow?),
there's only two players lef-
Are we gonna get (rararara) I was standing here awkwardly
Hey, everyone at E3 I'm standing here
awkwardly yelling for no reason,
wearing a yellow t-shirt.
This is gameplay, it's really exciting!
I think atleast, I don't know!
It wouldn't be E3 without unecessary dance segments
HYUNA - Bubble Pop! (This song is 5 years old...)
This is why I love video games. "Follow Jake on Twitter. It's @SolomonJake"
"Follow him, say hello and tell him you're proud to be a follower." Jake: "Yeah."
Did he just fucking plug his Twitter?
Holy shit. He got six followers.
Man, I got to go to E3 next year and plug my Twitter. God dammit!
"Looks like on Xbone One, Xbox One, X--"
He said XBone!
Xbone One, Xbox One--
Xbone what? Why am I here?
"So, Dan, you had an announcement last week for Far Cry 5, that went great."
"One of the things I've noticed is that every time you go out on stage you look super calm."
"Does it get easier year after year?"
"No, not even a little bit..."
"Not even a little."
"I'm dying on the inside dude."
"To rotee through reports, check it out."
*awkward silence*
(Unintelligable)
(Muselk hears his name pronounced wrong and looks over like "Tf")
We also have my boy Darkness AKA Dankness.
'"He will be playing as well"
"Sean is pretty cool right?"
"and I am pretty cool, right?...."
*kill me*
Jesus, thanks Audience.
(laughs)
Aw man,
I Iove E3.
"1 Mil- One Million dollars."
One million Do- where have I heard that before?
"1 million troops, one million troops...:
Wow
All Jokes Aside, I think E3 is pretty cool
It's always fun to see what the next game is gonna be
I think the main reason that turns me off is the hype
But also the way they look at you as a consumer
it feels so off how they look at you.
I think this shows pretty well
"Made deadlier with every single match. We achieved."
"We rise."
We want to die.
It reminds me of those gaming t-shirts
That has some some fucking shit on them like video game doesn't make us violent lag does, warning game mode activated
But that was one publisher
that saw the light and saw through all the corporate cringy bullshit.
Devolver.
"Bruh! The servers are full of noobs!"
"With the vulgar common created content!(I'm too deaf for this) It is you, the player, who is in control."
"And it is available now! Already on every major forum, message board and live chat!"
"Give!
It!
Up!
Everybody!"
"Ladies and gentlemen what we have shown you here today is only the beginning!"
So there you have it E3 2017.
What was your favorite bit?
What games are you excited about?
What games am I excited about?
Pfft. I don't play games.
Games are for nerds.
Brofist. (I love you Pewds :>)