WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

00:00:00.180 --> 00:00:00.760
Ahhhh!

00:00:00.900 --> 00:00:04.200
Okay, so I've been sick for a couple days.

00:00:06.000 --> 00:00:06.660
I'm still sick.

00:00:06.860 --> 00:00:11.240
Let's see what has happened while I was gone.

00:00:11.240 --> 00:00:15.080
[reads on-screen]

00:00:16.280 --> 00:00:24.540
[Continues to read tweets aloud]

00:00:25.160 --> 00:00:26.040
[Screams]

00:00:29.400 --> 00:00:29.900
NOO!

00:00:30.900 --> 00:00:32.300
[shaky breathing]

00:00:32.540 --> 00:00:35.000
Not JP, not JP.

00:00:35.300 --> 00:00:36.440
How bad is it?

00:00:36.920 --> 00:00:37.420
HOW?

00:00:37.620 --> 00:00:38.500
WHAT DID HE SAY?

00:00:38.840 --> 00:00:40.700
WHAT DID HE SAY IN HIS VIDEO?

00:00:40.800 --> 00:00:42.320
"Mil on YouTube in six months

00:00:42.320 --> 00:00:43.420
"Never done before" (not really)

00:00:43.420 --> 00:00:46.960
Passed all the competition, man, PewDiePie is next!"

00:00:47.080 --> 00:00:47.700
NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

00:00:49.440 --> 00:00:49.940
[lightly hits wall]

00:00:50.000 --> 00:00:51.060
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

00:00:51.060 --> 00:00:53.460
AGHHHH, this makes me so angry!

00:00:53.460 --> 00:00:56.660
I'm still sick, calm down Felix, ah that son of a bitch.

00:00:56.660 --> 00:00:59.460
I bet he's the one that poisoned me.

00:00:59.460 --> 00:01:01.560
Oh, I bet it was JP all along.

00:01:01.560 --> 00:01:03.420
That sleek son of a bitch!

00:01:04.700 --> 00:01:05.360
[exclamation of pain]

00:01:05.360 --> 00:01:07.340
We haven't watched this whole thing yet!

00:01:07.980 --> 00:01:09.600
We have to see the whole thing.

00:01:11.100 --> 00:01:13.480
First of all who the fuck is JP?

00:01:13.760 --> 00:01:15.800
Who the fuck Is Jake Paul?

00:01:16.240 --> 00:01:16.780
I don't know.

00:01:16.780 --> 00:01:19.660
I ha- he has fun, okay.

00:01:19.680 --> 00:01:21.260
He eats food.

00:01:22.700 --> 00:01:24.180
He's Dirk from Disney Channel!

00:01:24.360 --> 00:01:25.760
Okay so he's a Disney Channel...

00:01:26.180 --> 00:01:28.760
One of these Disney Channel actors, that's cool.

00:01:30.060 --> 00:01:31.000
Can't be that bad.

00:01:31.720 --> 00:01:32.460
Let's listen.

00:01:34.460 --> 00:01:39.280
Always appreciate a good "ya" at the beginning of a song, uh, for no reason.

00:01:39.280 --> 00:01:40.320
[chuckles]

00:01:40.320 --> 00:01:43.980
I'm going to- going to try not to pause
every- every millisecond of this song, but...

00:01:45.760 --> 00:01:47.980
That is a good "ya." We have to appreciate that-

00:01:47.980 --> 00:01:49.540
[stuttering]
that's- that's a good-- that's a good "ya."

00:01:49.700 --> 00:01:52.000
[music plays again]

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[indistinguishable audio watermark]

00:01:58.580 --> 00:02:02.040
Is it the watermark? They didn't buy that loop?

00:02:04.360 --> 00:02:07.560
Like, you play some rap music right, that's free...

00:02:07.580 --> 00:02:12.300
[different track]

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[audio watermark]: "AudioJungle"

00:02:13.340 --> 00:02:14.660
See? AudioJungle.

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What the fuck is it?

00:02:18.040 --> 00:02:19.400
[indistinguishable audio watermark]

00:02:19.400 --> 00:02:21.040
[Laughing]

00:02:27.260 --> 00:02:32.860
I'm glad, I'm glad we got the whole Disney Channel thing out of the way from the first fucking line.

00:02:32.860 --> 00:02:33.740
[Laughing]

00:02:34.140 --> 00:02:36.160
"Hey guys, in case you don't know,

00:02:36.160 --> 00:02:36.820
"I'm on Disney Channel.

00:02:36.820 --> 00:02:39.220
"How can I say that in a way that make sense--

00:02:39.720 --> 00:02:42.760
"Uh, everyday bro, Disney Channel

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FLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWW!"

00:02:50.540 --> 00:02:53.880
He's saying... that I'm not his competition because he said he

00:02:53.880 --> 00:02:58.040
passed all his competition which
basically puts me-

00:02:59.740 --> 00:03:00.720
Where does that put me, actually?

00:03:00.720 --> 00:03:02.900
I'm really confused.
J-- JP, you're gonna have to

00:03:02.940 --> 00:03:06.420
[Stuttering]
re- re- re- re-it- iter- re-eter- itter -itur- ate?

00:03:06.420 --> 00:03:07.600
REITERATE

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Fuck, I got the shakes again.

00:03:19.020 --> 00:03:19.840
Goddamnit!

00:03:21.380 --> 00:03:22.680
J.P. You son of a bitch!

00:03:22.900 --> 00:03:24.240
How DARE YOU?!

00:03:24.240 --> 00:03:26.680
How DARE you use my name in the video!

00:03:26.680 --> 00:03:28.680
HOW DARE YOU?!?

00:03:37.980 --> 00:03:39.980
[Couldn't have thought of a better word Paul boy?]

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That- it may sound here like that

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his flow is all off, hey, it may s-

00:03:50.660 --> 00:03:54.500
it may sound completely
terrible. But really here, what

00:03:54.560 --> 00:03:59.140
JP is doing is a new form of rapping,
it's meant to sound like shit.

00:04:06.620 --> 00:04:08.620
PewDiePie: "Yeah I'm talking about you, you begging

00:04:08.629 --> 00:04:14.120
for attention, is this how you rap, you
just say a bunch of words, and this

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sounds totally wack, and, uh-- I swear I'm not
on crack and I-- I just like to smack that

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booty back, yeah and I'm talking about
you."

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It's absolutely incredible,

00:04:27.740 --> 00:04:33.169
this sort of rapping takes incredible
skills; it takes intellect, it takes

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talent, it takes years of grinding, years
of training, years of preparation, it

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takes talking shit on Twitter, it takes
all kinds of sh- it takes so much shit-

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[Pause]

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and- and- and- Jake Paul will know because he eats food.

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[Well Pewds is a better rapper than Jake when comparing]

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[Typical in rap songs to bring shit up about other people]

00:05:04.720 --> 00:05:07.960
I don't understand what the fuck is happening here, is he talking about his ex or some

00:05:07.970 --> 00:05:11.840
shit like that?
Please- please let that- okay, I mean, it's-

00:05:11.840 --> 00:05:17.030
it's genius! That's what it is, it's really--
did he make this just for this, is this

00:05:17.030 --> 00:05:19.920
why I'm reacting to this? Because he
argues with his girlfriend?

00:05:26.300 --> 00:05:28.380
[Chuckles]

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Damn, damn, he goes-- J-- if JP breaks up

00:05:31.340 --> 00:05:35.880
with you, he goes hard- "And all the recordings too!" It is-- that is lyrical--

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mind blast. There's meaning behind every
syllable, every line...

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(Short pause)

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...Every facial

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expression tells an incredible story!

00:05:46.020 --> 00:05:53.940
[Cake Hall wrapping a boat sum prove on studs]

00:05:54.100 --> 00:05:55.680
[And here, a meme is born]

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[Chuckle] "Oh, and by the way I just

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dropped some new merch!!!"

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[Sad pause]

00:06:01.220 --> 00:06:04.420
Oh, he bitches about his girlfriend for like-- for a couple

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lines and then, "Oh, by the way, got new
merch, it's selling like a 'god Church.'"

00:06:08.820 --> 00:06:12.840
What is a god Church? Uhhhhh, it's the church
with the God in it, what do you think?

00:06:12.840 --> 00:06:16.660
Oh, what are you stupid?
A "god Church," you never heard one of those?

00:06:16.720 --> 00:06:18.780
It's selling like a "god Church."

00:06:18.780 --> 00:06:21.640
I love how they clearly got stuck here.

00:06:21.640 --> 00:06:22.140
"Hey,

00:06:22.140 --> 00:06:24.720
hey, okay,
alright we got-- I dropped some new merch,

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how it's selling like a-- what rhymes with merch?

00:06:28.920 --> 00:06:32.820
Uhhhh, church, it's selling like a CHURCH!!"

00:06:32.820 --> 00:06:36.260
[Because Churches are not always a place of worship]

00:06:36.260 --> 00:06:38.260
And Ohio is pretty shit I guess. Also, KFC obviously has to sue Cake Hall.

00:06:38.540 --> 00:06:42.140
Legit like I wish
that illness killed me now, I- I'm not

00:06:42.150 --> 00:06:47.940
joking at all, I want to die, I want to I
want to be dead now, I don't want to--

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I don't want to, no, no-- I don't want it
anymore.

00:06:50.780 --> 00:06:53.940
Well that's sort of the only thing you can shoot with other than bows and shiiiiyeeeeeet. We wuz wepunz an shiiiiyet!

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Did he get a tattoo of a dick on his leg?

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Jake : I suck my tattoo on my leg a lot....

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[His ego is the size of Mount fucking Everest...]

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Cults chant..... Jake is part of the cult. All hail our lord and saviour, Cake Hall!

00:07:10.540 --> 00:07:11.540
[Who's this pussy slayer?]

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[Processing cry for help...]

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AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

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WHAT IS THAT?!

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*small pause*

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WHAT IS--?!

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W H A T  I S  T H A T ? !

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*subscribe to yeoss :3*

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𝓦𝓗𝓐𝓣 𝓘𝓢 𝓣𝓗𝓐𝓣 𝓣𝓗𝓘𝓝𝓖?!!

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englundz iz mah sitee lmaooooooooooooooooo

00:07:21.720 --> 00:07:23.040
..He's absolutely perfect

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I've never seen a more beautiful man in my entire life.~

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[Oh look, a second meme is about to be born!]

00:07:29.260 --> 00:07:30.620
England is my (by my I mean Nick Crumpet's apparently) city

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[About to enter a fit of laugher]

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this is so sad, can we dismantle the EU?

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Nooooo.....oooo

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Being gay is so gay.

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"noooooo" - Shiba Inu (From my Discord)

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England...

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ENGLAND

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GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!

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[Moan]

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Ohhhhh! England is your city...

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O H   N O

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Oh no- oh--
you're retarded.

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[groan] Ughhhhhhh!

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Err-- my cit- ci- city is the whole planet--

00:07:57.180 --> 00:07:59.180
"And my favorite city is Auschwitz! And that's an actual city" - Yeoss :3

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ｅｎｇｌａｎｄ ｉｓ ｍｙ ｃｉｔｙ

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why is my peepee so hairy?

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[I like how he pronounces his words
like he's gonna hurl at any moment]

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I think I'm a monster, why is my peepee so hairy? EW THERE IS WHITE STUFF ON IT!

00:08:07.280 --> 00:08:10.900
I like how he, uh, he's so fat that he straight-up

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destroyed this jacket. Like, look how it's
hanging by literally its last thread.

00:08:16.940 --> 00:08:17.440
Dad!

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My peepee!

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Dad : What about it?

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It's hairy!

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Dad : Son, what????

00:08:19.440 --> 00:08:19.940
Dad : No-no-no-no! This can't be!

00:08:19.940 --> 00:08:20.440
Dad : No-no-no! Now I can't molest him without him moaning and stuff!

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Mom : lmao wtf

00:08:20.940 --> 00:08:21.440
Dad : Well, son. I think it's time we explain it to you! So when a mommy and daddy are very much in love. Well, they...

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They listen to this song, and that's how you were born.

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[Oh look, a girl who can't rap is gonna rap for us.....Fun]

00:08:26.520 --> 00:08:27.920
tessa is fucking ugly! kill her. her vagina stankus. and that is not dankus!

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Okay, she's gonna educate us.

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[wut?]

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Well, anyone that talks like that-

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-I don't want

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To educate me

00:08:36.400 --> 00:08:38.400
[Laughs]

00:08:38.400 --> 00:08:39.760
"Let me educate ya

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and we ain't talking

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𝓑𝓞𝓞𝓚!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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What I love most of all about JP is that-- is besides

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all his success, he remains humble.

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[Humbleness intensifies]

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["Ten with six zeros..."? You fucking moron...]

00:09:02.520 --> 00:09:03.960
[Well that was the worse song to ever be made...]

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*burps* I think this

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song has killed me. I wanna die more
than I've ever died before. Someone

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please-

00:09:10.880 --> 00:09:12.340
DON'T call an ambulance

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Let me just-

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-Never return. This is it guys,

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I'm- I- it's been great, it's been great.

00:09:19.860 --> 00:09:21.560
Let's see what some other people thought

00:09:21.560 --> 00:09:23.800
about JP's wonderful song--

00:09:23.800 --> 00:09:24.920
[Two british boys who don't know about real music]

00:09:24.920 --> 00:09:26.940
[Random British boy #1] I like how the lyrics are on screen, man.

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Pewd: oh, ah-oh tha-that's always a plus in a rap song.

00:09:29.900 --> 00:09:31.080
[Random British boy #2] The lyrics just match like....

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PewDiePie: The what?

00:09:32.340 --> 00:09:34.920
[#2] The lyrics just match like... [Then his brain stopped]

00:09:34.920 --> 00:09:38.860
The lyrics just match WHAT?
You can't just say that

00:09:38.860 --> 00:09:42.060
and then say nothing, please say
something else!

00:09:42.060 --> 00:09:43.500
[Nope]

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[End my life]

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"You are retard"

00:09:45.320 --> 00:09:48.100
I think we all can draw some inspiration from that. Now,

00:09:48.100 --> 00:09:51.660
excuse me while I'm going to kill myself-- ah [YA]

00:09:51.660 --> 00:10:08.220
(Why Can't We be Friends - Instrumental)
(War Instrumental Starts)

00:10:08.220 --> 00:10:09.680
please send a gtx 590 with a 2000watt power supply as well as an htc vive that uses M-type plugs to this address : 64, 12th Avenue, Edenvale, Gauteng, South Africa

00:10:09.680 --> 00:10:11.740
[Keemstar Sighs]

00:10:11.740 --> 00:10:13.740
[The end, thanks for watching]