Tommy
My goddamn hero
I- I love you Tommy
I love you
But there is a man
That is even greater
The one, the only
The man
The myth
The LEGEND
Neil Breen
[INTENSE MUSIC]
Pewds: AUGHHH
Pewds: Remember that name NEIL?
BREEN?!
Say it with me!
[Echoey] Pewds: Neil Breen
Neil: Hi, thanks for checking out my crowdfundings site.
Neil: My name is Neil Breen,
Neil: I'm a film maker.
Pewds: AURGGGGH
Pewds: Wait a minute..
Neil: As some of you may know I've already made -
(Pewds grunting)
Pewds: Ahh, Neil
Neil: Hi, this is Neil Breen.
Pewds: Ohh, Neil.
Neil: It's June 22nd, 2016. [Pewds grunting]
Neil: And I really wanted [wtf Pewds??] to come out and just update everyone.
Neil: Uh -
[Sensually] Pewds: NEEEIIILLL
[typing sounds] CLICKCLICKCLICK
Neil: - shirt and so on, is a symbol or -
Pewds: That is the best goddamn chroma key usage I have ever seen.
Pewds: It blends PERFECTLY.
Pewds: It's GODDAMN BEAUTIFUL.
Pewds: [stutters] I- It almost feels like he's there.
Pewds: Alright, so this is his YouTube channel.
Pewds: Neil Breen. I love you. [kisses fingers]
Pewds: If you're watching, I want you to know, I love you.
Pewds: I love you so much.
Pewds: I think you are, an inspiration. [chuckles]
Pewds: He made a mov-
Pewds: Neil Breen made a movie called, "Fateful Findings".
Pewds: It got recommended to me because I loved "The Room" so much.
Pewds: Fateful Findings is, on a whole new level.
Pewds: [stutters] I-I-I-It might even be too far.
Pewds: But uh, I thought we - Since you guys loved "The Room" video, that I did,
Pewds: I wanted to do one on "Fateful Findings", because I think it's one of the classics.
Pewds: Don't get me wrong, it's- it's painful to watch.
Pewds: But it's also one of the funniest things you'll ever see.
Pewds: I'm gonna try and go through my favorite moments.
Pewds: And uh, I- , by the end of it, my goal is that you go and check out the movie yourself.
Pewds: I'll leave a link to where you can buy this movie, and uh, he will autograph it and send it to you apparently.
Pewds: So, defiantly, go support the man, the myth, Neil Breen.
Pewds: So he can make more [kisses fingers]
Pewds: BEAUTIFUL, timeless art pieces like this one.
Pewds: Anyway, let's watch.
Pewds: It's a Neil Breen film.
Pewds: By uh-
Pewds: Neil Breen!
Pewds: He just- he just threw his eh- name up there-
[yelling] Pewds: YA KNOW WITH THESE MOUNTAINS NEED??
[husky] Pewds: My name..
Greg Jenko: Jeff
Pewds: The frame rate on the fucking mountain, [stutters] mak-mak-makes me want to throw up.
Pewds: "What genre, is this movie?",you might ask.
Pewds: Well I'll let you judge for yourself.
[music that you would hear in the pits of hell]
Pewds:OHMYGOD
[husky] Pewds: HOWDIDITDOTHAT
[husky] Pewds: That is the scariest thing I have ever seen. [chuckles]
Little boy: Look Leah, a mushroom!
[imitating the little boy] Pewds: Look Frank! A-aaaaa mushroom!
[quietly] Pewds: I can't hold it, still.
[moans] Pewds: AAAEEAAAAAAAEITSAMUSHROOM
[INTENSE MUSIC]
Pewds: Whoa! [more intensely] WHOA!
Pewds: 420 joke? [grunts]
*shaka my dudes*
Pewds: Even the woods smoke [chuckles]
Pewds: I don't understand, Snoop Dog, uh- off the shot , or I don't- What's happening?
Pewds: Hide the fucking thing, alright.
Pewds: I don't know why I- I don't know what's happening
Pewds: [stuttering] I don't know- I just- I'm so lost. At least "The Room" is coherent,
Pewds: Okay I don't know what's happening- what's happening??
[emotional music] Little girl: Where's Dylan?
Pewds: Where is Dylan?
Pewds: No.
Pewds: There he is!
[Felix laughing]
[still laughing] Pewds: Wait- wait? Ah jeez.
Pewds: Did you not see him?
[again] Little girl: Where's Dylan?
Pewds: He's right in front of you, you fucking idiot.
Pewds: Jesus Christ.
[emotional song playing]
Pewds: That is not how you wave. [hits hand on desk] That is-
Pewds: I know I make a lot of Nazi jokes, but,
Pewds: Can someone explain why she's doing this?
*god felix this is an emotional scene stop mocking her you insensitive swine*
Pewds: Why is she- Why is she doing that? Okay?
Pewds: I don't understand.
[intensely] Pewds: WHat is that?! Stop!
[imitating police siren] Pewds: WEEOWEEO
[husky] Pewds: WALLSTREET JOURNAL! YOU BETTER DO SOMETHING ABOUT NEIL BREEN!
Pewds: Because fascists are getting off, of his work.
Pewds: Now, if you are younger viewer, you might wanna close your eyes.
Pewds: It gets a little intense. *you've been warned*
[music]
[coming from phone] Woman's voice: Can you hear me?
Pewds: Is that the new Nintendo Switch?
[music playing in fake ad]
[car brakes screeching]
Pewds: [stutters] That- that looked real. Let's go frame by frame. That looked fucking real as shit.
[Felix chuckles] Hey, hey! It's a still- frame of it.
Pewds: I mean still, it works, right?
Neil's wife: Dylan?
Neil's wife: Dylan, what's going on? Talk-
Pewds: Oh yeah, I forgot about the porn actress.
Neil Breen's wife- Talk to me!
[imitating wife] Pewds: Dylan. Eh, what's goiinng on?
[imitading] Pewds: Talk to meee!
[intimidating] Pewds: We were supposed to use the bananas.
Guy: Is he dead?
[repeats himself] Guy: Is he dead?
[Australian accent] Other guy: It's the Rolls -Royce that hit him. I saw it!
Pewds: What other fucking car would it be, it's right fucking there. Like it has blood- it has blood all over it!
[again] Australian guy: It's the Rolls- Royce that hit him! I saw it!
Pewds: Goddamn genius. Goddamn genius.
Pewds: And now there's blood on the Switch, goddammit.
[police sirens in background]
Another random guy: Is he breathing??
Random guy: Is he okay??
[police sirens in background]
Pewds: He's reaching for his most prized possession, his Switch.
Pewds: He'd had just killed one of the guardians in Zelda.
Pewds: GODDAMMIT NEIL BREEN!
Pewds: I think now is the point in the movie where it goes south.
Pewds: And it goes south very fast.
Pewds: [stutters] It- I- I can't explain what I'm about to show you..
[emotional music, heart-rate monitor beeping]
Pewds: This is like when Luke Skywalker took off the mask, of Darth Vader.
Pewds: Why did he need that anyway by the way?
Pewds: Okay, great. What is that thing??
Pewds: Why is that thing on his face??
[very emotional music in background of movie]
Pewds: Why does he look like that??
Pewds: What purpose does it have?
Pewds: It looks like he took snow and tried to make himself into a snowman!
Pewds: How do you breathe through that??
Pewds: You don't need those there!
Pewds: I told you, he's- he's not human.
Pewds: Those are very delicate hands. I gotta say.
Pewds: I would love, for Neil to touch me..... *wtf*
Pewds: Alright, of course we have the same fucking ass-shot, like in, "The Room".
[emotional music in background of movie]
Pewds: Great, thanks for that.
Pewds: Okay well, what you might see now, uh, it might, shock you. Okay. *BLOOD WARNING*
[shower running and emotional piano music playing} Neil: I let myself down. Help me! Help me!
Pewds: I can't, I can't. I'm sorry, I'm not gonna. I'm-
[emotional piano music INTENSIFIES]
[in disgust/shock] Pewds: WHAT??
[strained] Pewds: Oh my god. Can you imagine filming that without laughing?
[more emotional piano]
Pewds: Why is still wearing the snowman face??
Pewds: Why is he wearing it??
[Felix laughs] AAOOOH
Pewds: Oh my god!!! I can't- I can't, I can't. What the fuck??
Pewds: How, how??
[refering to the mask] Pewds: Take it off, please. Take it off!
Pewds: Take it off!! [voice cracks] Plee-ease!
Pewds: Take it off! [stutters]
[deep sigh] Pewds: Thank god it's over.
Pewds: Now, Neil, I don't know what you're deal with computers are,
Pewds: And I don't know why you wanna mess with them so much.
Pewds: First of all, why do you need 4 laptops?
Pewds: Question number 1: Why do you need 4 laptops?
Pewds: Question number 2: They're clearly not working, but that's, okay- I'll ignore that one.
Pewds: But why? Why do you have to hurt them??
[spooky music]
Pewds: Don't! Don't touch the computers Neil!
[Neil grunts] Pewds: No!
[computer falls]
Pewds: DAMMIT! DAMMIT WHAT'D I SAY?!
Pewds: What did I say? What'd I say? What'd I say?
Pewds: Goddammit.
Neil: Leave me alone. I've got work to do.
Pewds: The delivery, and the passion, in his craft,
Pewds: Is incredible.
Pewds: It may just come across as just a stale way of saying,
[Pewds and Neil] "Leave me alone."
[Both] "I've got work to do."
Pewds: But really, it's saying, SO much more.
[Neil groaning]
Pewds: Neil, Neil, do not spill the coffee!
[intense music] Pewds: Be careful! Be careful with that coffee Neil!
[Neil groaning]
Pewds: NO, NEIL!
[music INTENSIFIES]
[yelling] Pewds: NEIL, FOCUS, FOCUS! DAMMIT, FOCUS!
Pewds: PUT DOWN THE COFFEE!
[screams] Pewds: PUT DOWN THE GODDAMN COFFEE NEIL!
[Neil puts down the coffee]
Pewds: Yes! [breathes heavily] Thank god!
[Neil groaning]
Pewds: Don't spill it- [Neil's head falls] Thank god he didn't spill it.
[Pewds breathes a sigh of relief] Phew!
Pewds: I thought another laptop, that would have been such a waste. [car hits Neil again]
[Neil grunting in sleep]
[Neil waking up] Pewds: Alright well, at least that's one good thing about this scene.
[Neil grunts]
[coffee spills]
Neil: AUGH
Pewds: God dammit.
Pewds: God fucking dammit.
Lady: Dinner will be ready soon.
Other lady: I'm [emphasizes] hungry.
Other lady: I can't WAIT for dinner!
Pewds: The sexual undertones, of this, is so fucking weird.
Pewds: It's just weird..
Pewds: I don't know how old she's supposed to be, but it's weird, it's weird.
Pewds: The real hotness of this show, is Neil.
[Neil smiles] Pewds: Look at that smile.
Pewds: I melt every time.
Pewds: It can not be replicated. I can only try.
Neil: I've got so much to do, I'll never get it done.
[Neil typing furiously on keyboard]
Neil: I'm going to continue hacking into these government systems.
Pewds: That explains all the laptops!
[intensifies] Pewds: That explains all the laptops!!
Pewds: He's hacking into the government systems!
Pewds: Of course! Of course!
Pewds: The coffee is an old hacking technique.
Pewds: Now what I remember the most from watching this movie,
Pewds: Because there's a lot of painful bits to get through.
Pewds: But, once you get to the end, it is incredible. It's one of my favorite scenes in any movie ever.
Pewds: I really- It beats- It triumphs anything ever, and if you make it to the end,
Pewds: God bless you, because you get rewarded.
Neil: All over the world.
Neil: I have discovered more information than any hacker ever has.
Neil: EVER.
Neil: What I have found will shock you.
Pewds: Okay..?
Politician: I'm afraid of going to prison.
Politician: They now know, my crimes.
Pewds: Okay..
Pewds: What are you gonna do....
[yelling] Pewds: OOOOOH
[gunshot] *rip*
[Felix laughing]
[imitating] Pewds: I'm afraid of going to prison.
Pewds: I now know what I must do..
Pewds: Surely, surely this guy is not just gonna fucking shoot himself.
Politician 2: They operate in a deceiving way,
[music intensifies]
Politician 2: And cheat the customer.
Politician 2: Goodbye.
Pewds: No! No! No!
Pewds: NO!
Pewds: NOOOOOOOOOOOO
[gunshot] *rip*
Neil: There are systems that are there to undermine societies best interests.
Neil: For the purpose of greed.
Neil: And fraud.
[clapping in background]
Pewds: NO! WATCH OUT NEIL THERE'S A SNIPER!
Pewds: THERE'S A SNIPER NEIL!
Pewds: NOOOOOOOOOOO!
Pewds: NEILLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!
Pewds: NEEEIIILLL!
Pewds: PLEASE!!!
[gunshot]
Pewds: Oh my god, did he die!?
[more intense] Pewds: DID HE DIE??
[still cheering in background]
Pewds: No!
Pewds: Who did it?
Pewds: Who did it??
[reading] Pewds: Any of the above listed companies in the credits with an "N" or "B" in their name are fictitious.
Pewds: This work was actually done [chuckles] personally by Neil Breen.
Pewds: So basically sound editing was done by Neil, editing was done by Neil,
Pewds: Casting was done by Neil, ITS ALL DONE BY NEIL!
Pewds: THE WHOLE MOVIE IS NEIL! HE'S ALL THE OTHER PEOPLE TOO!
Pewds: I love this movie, I think it's amazing.
Pewds: I think you will enjoy it too, it brings a lot of joy this movie, to me,
Pewds: And I want more people to experience that, but do, please,
Pewds: Check out the link in the description, and buy the movie if you want to see it.
Pewds: Get some friends together, and watch it. I think you'll really enjoy it.
Pewds: Leave a like if you enjoyed watching, let me know if you want me to do more of these types of movies,
Pewds: I find them very- It's always fun to share stuff that I'm passionate about,
Pewds: And em, really enjoy, so [kisses fist] thank you for watching. [brofist]