WEBVTT Kind: captions Language: en 00:00:12.540 --> 00:00:13.040 NO 00:00:14.240 --> 00:00:14.740 NOOOO 00:00:15.460 --> 00:00:16.340 NoOoOo 00:00:16.340 --> 00:00:19.000 *reads* 00:00:19.920 --> 00:00:21.720 He's found my biggest weakness... 00:00:22.340 --> 00:00:25.460 I get at least (what) three or four cringe seizures every day. 00:00:25.920 --> 00:00:28.120 It's a condition I suffer from... 00:00:28.120 --> 00:00:28.860 a long time... 00:00:29.300 --> 00:00:32.040 And I don't appreciate you making fun of me for it, Malcom 00:00:32.700 --> 00:00:36.040 I cringe harder than no man has ever cringed. 00:00:36.580 --> 00:00:39.780 MY LIFE is a cringe compilation. 00:00:39.780 --> 00:00:40.880 You couldn't make me laugh. 00:00:41.520 --> 00:00:42.880 Well we'll see about the cringe..... 00:00:42.880 --> 00:00:44.740 MAN IN VIDEO: "Helloooo Lee Ann!" 00:00:44.740 --> 00:00:47.020 "I was almost gonna call you Lori" 00:00:47.020 --> 00:00:50.460 "How could I miss? Oh, it's very easy, you're both very pretty" 00:00:50.460 --> 00:00:52.460 "And you have green eyes!" 00:00:52.460 --> 00:00:53.040 GIRL: "Blue" 00:00:53.040 --> 00:00:55.620 MAN: "Are they– they're not blue! Now don't tell me that" 00:00:55.620 --> 00:00:57.620 "Look at me a little closer..." 00:00:58.560 --> 00:00:59.060 *Kiss* 00:00:59.060 --> 00:01:01.060 "They're green!" *gasping and 'oh!'s from the audience* 00:01:01.060 --> 00:01:03.060 "Hahahaha..." 00:01:03.280 --> 00:01:04.140 WHAT? 00:01:07.380 --> 00:01:08.440 He's clearly a ped- 00:01:08.440 --> 00:01:09.440 OH MY GOD 00:01:09.800 --> 00:01:10.560 EWWWWW 00:01:10.560 --> 00:01:12.460 MAN:"You look like a young woman, who like to 00:01:12.460 --> 00:01:17.900 give lots of hugs and kisses out, do you? Eh?" *"Eh?" repeated in slow motion* 00:01:17.900 --> 00:01:19.580 Oh God. God! 00:01:19.580 --> 00:01:21.020 GIRL: "Not really..." MAN: "Not really?" 00:01:21.020 --> 00:01:22.580 They're kids, dude! 00:01:22.580 --> 00:01:24.400 *"Not really" repeated in slow motion* 00:01:24.400 --> 00:01:26.120 He doesnt- She doesn't want to kiss you, 00:01:26.120 --> 00:01:27.040 she's uncomfortable 00:01:27.040 --> 00:01:28.060 She's on television. 00:01:28.060 --> 00:01:28.980 WHAT THE FUCK IS THI- 00:01:28.980 --> 00:01:33.840 MAN: "Can I have a hug and a kiss? I can't have one? 00:01:33.900 --> 00:01:34.960 No, you can't. 'Cause you're just... 00:01:34.960 --> 00:01:36.380 PEDO MAN: "Even if I say, and whisper in your ear that.." 00:01:36.380 --> 00:01:39.880 "..Allison, you're gonna win the show" 00:01:39.880 --> 00:01:41.520 IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA! 00:01:41.520 --> 00:01:43.120 HE SAYS THAT SHIT! 00:01:43.880 --> 00:01:44.500 WHAT. 00:01:44.800 --> 00:01:45.340 THE FUCK! 00:01:45.760 --> 00:01:47.920 Oh yeah, that's just good ol' Carl. 00:01:47.920 --> 00:01:50.200 He kisses the kids. It's... what he does. 00:01:50.340 --> 00:01:54.180 MAN: "Well I guess, you can't win the show then. If I don't get a hug and a kiss" 00:01:54.260 --> 00:01:56.860 LADY IN THE AUDIENCE: "Dirty old man" MAN: "Yeah, ya hear that?" 00:01:56.860 --> 00:01:59.780 Di- did you hear that? She sa–He said–Someone said "dirty old man!" 00:01:59.780 --> 00:02:02.220 LADY: "Dirty old man" MAN:"Yeah, you hear that" 00:02:02.220 --> 00:02:04.220 MAN: "That's a good answer!" 00:02:04.540 --> 00:02:06.000 Don't kiss, please don't kis- 00:02:06.180 --> 00:02:07.460 EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW 00:02:08.520 --> 00:02:09.160 OH MY GOD! 00:02:09.680 --> 00:02:13.660 If that was my kid, I would go up and punch the shit out of him. 00:02:13.660 --> 00:02:14.160 *new video* What is this? 00:02:14.160 --> 00:02:17.320 *Loud obnoxious laughter* 00:02:17.320 --> 00:02:18.920 What is this? "Laughter Jo- Yoga?" 00:02:19.760 --> 00:02:20.760 LADY IN VIDEO: "And I have breast cancer!" 00:02:20.760 --> 00:02:25.080 *Louder obnoxious laughing* 00:02:25.080 --> 00:02:25.720 *Dying whale noises from Pewds* 00:02:25.720 --> 00:02:28.540 LADY: "Very Good! Very Good!" 00:02:28.540 --> 00:02:29.720 "Yaaaaaaaaaaay!" 00:02:30.840 --> 00:02:33.000 *crying* 00:02:33.000 --> 00:02:34.020 00:02:34.020 --> 00:02:36.220 (muffled squeaky voice) What the fuck was that... 00:02:38.560 --> 00:02:41.620 What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? Wha– 00:02:41.620 --> 00:02:46.240 Deal with your problems? Oh my God. What the fuck? 00:02:47.420 --> 00:02:48.040 00:02:48.040 --> 00:02:52.060 This is the reason coloring book are– books are coming back for adults. 00:02:52.060 --> 00:02:59.220 Fucking Jesus Christ, dude. That's–That's depressing and hilarious at the same time. Oh my God. 00:02:59.220 --> 00:03:06.060 This is horrible. I can't cringe, man. I can't cringe! Cringe is my weakness... 00:03:06.060 --> 00:03:08.440 MAN IN VIDEO: "You're not wearing much in the downstairs department" 00:03:08.440 --> 00:03:09.200 BODY BUIDER: "You mean I have a small penis?" 00:03:09.200 --> 00:03:09.760 MAN: "No, no–" 00:03:09.760 --> 00:03:11.120 Oh my God... 00:03:11.120 --> 00:03:13.300 MAN: "No I mean, you're not wearing much" 00:03:13.300 --> 00:03:15.860 BODY BUILDER: "Well I haven't got the sock in yet, god dammit, Karen give me the sock" 00:03:15.860 --> 00:03:18.920 MAN: "I didn't say you didn't HAVE much, I said you weren't WEARING much" 00:03:18.920 --> 00:03:19.960 BODY BUILDER: "I wasn't wearing much? Okay..." 00:03:19.960 --> 00:03:23.260 "Bodybuilders are so much bigger, so it's gonna look smaller." 00:03:23.260 --> 00:03:25.100 MAN: "No, I didn't say anything about your..." 00:03:25.100 --> 00:03:27.620 His Australian accent just makes it so much better. 00:03:27.620 --> 00:03:30.620 ".. Bodybuilers are so much bigger, so it's gonna look smaller" 00:03:30.620 --> 00:03:32.700 Pewds in attempted Australian accent: "Bodybuilders are so much bigga, 00:03:32.700 --> 00:03:34.700 so it's gonna look mu– so much smalla" 00:03:34.700 --> 00:03:36.420 MAN: "No, I didn't say anything about your penis" 00:03:36.420 --> 00:03:38.660 "YOU DID, AND I'VE GOT–IT'S A BIG PENIS, GOD DAMMMIT!" 00:03:38.660 --> 00:03:46.360 I would say that was a... quite charming and endearing and the cringe level was not even peaking on Level 2. 00:03:46.360 --> 00:03:53.500 Was it embarrassing? Yes. But there is a difference. Cringe and embarrassing? Different things. Next clip. 00:03:53.500 --> 00:03:55.740 MAN IN VIDEO: "Terrified by your old car? Are you a-" 00:03:55.980 --> 00:04:02.400 First of all, I haven't even watched... I've, I've watched two seconds. C--Why are car salesmen so fucking cringey? 00:04:02.720 --> 00:04:03.940 "Do not fear!" 00:04:03.940 --> 00:04:04.920 "John Loman here" 00:04:04.920 --> 00:04:06.520 "Trade your car in to–" 00:04:06.520 --> 00:04:10.280 This is like me fr- mehgdyufishfiuer (BURPS) 00:04:10.280 --> 00:04:11.500 Ahh, the cringe is coming out. 00:04:11.500 --> 00:04:14.520 This is like me when I did my first YouTube video. 00:04:15.300 --> 00:04:18.500 *pauses again* And it's still.. still pretty much spot on me, actually. 00:04:20.040 --> 00:04:21.820 "EVERYBODY DRIVES!" 00:04:21.820 --> 00:04:23.820 MAN: "I'm John Loman, and I'm a dealer FOR the people!" 00:04:25.720 --> 00:04:27.540 Was it shit? Absolutely. 00:04:28.320 --> 00:04:33.600 Was it cringey? Just a little bit. But you can tell he's a dad! He gets a free pass, you know? 00:04:33.600 --> 00:04:39.200 Who the fuck is this guy? With the glasses? Where the fuck is this guy? I don't–I have a lot of questions. 00:04:39.940 --> 00:04:43.520 But the cringe? Mmm mmm (means no). Moving on. 00:04:43.520 --> 00:04:44.920 Oh, this is gonna be good. 00:04:44.920 --> 00:04:51.080 *reads title of video aloud* 00:04:51.160 --> 00:04:53.400 I already love it. 00:04:55.140 --> 00:04:57.780 Alright, well, it's got a pretty dope bass line so far. 00:04:57.780 --> 00:05:01.040 EMO KID: "So close I can almost touch you 00:05:01.820 --> 00:05:07.260 *singing continues* That's a nice katana there on the wall. I can really appreciate a man with a–with a katana. 00:05:07.940 --> 00:05:08.820 Collection. 00:05:08.820 --> 00:05:14.840 GUY SINGING: "Don't say a thing. If we fly high enough, they can't tear us apart" 00:05:14.840 --> 00:05:16.840 "And if we fall–" 00:05:18.880 --> 00:05:20.140 "WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOA" 00:05:20.140 --> 00:05:23.040 "*mumbled singing* I'll be Caesar, you'll be Cleopatra" 00:05:23.040 --> 00:05:25.840 "–and no one will tell us were wrong" 00:05:25.840 --> 00:05:28.140 "WHOOOAOHOH-" 00:05:28.140 --> 00:05:33.300 Is he--He's filming Windows Player! He's plfis- he's filming it! He's- you can't do... 00:05:33.300 --> 00:05:42.880 Just add the video in, dude! What the fuck! Why would you- .... What happened there? I want to know the story! What the fuck. Just, Oh my God... 00:05:42.880 --> 00:05:44.040 Ohhhhh it's so good... 00:05:44.480 --> 00:05:47.080 "Vlog it like your name is Shay Carl." 00:05:48.000 --> 00:05:49.080 Ohh.... 00:05:53.520 --> 00:05:56.880 I am not ready for this... GUY IN VIDEO: "I think we're gonna do, the video diary" 00:05:56.880 --> 00:06:00.140 GIRL: "Are you ready? 'cause this might get boring..." 00:06:00.140 --> 00:06:11.120 *song playing* 00:06:11.220 --> 00:06:19.440 SONG: "Hey Shay. It only feels like yesterday, I found your vlogs and smiled my frown away" 00:06:19.440 --> 00:06:20.440 *he is so cute OMG* 00:06:23.640 --> 00:06:24.820 (Read the lyrics on the video- thats whats playing in the song) 00:06:28.720 --> 00:06:40.120 *If you join this dance lesson you'll become a real bro.* 00:06:40.660 --> 00:06:43.720 Dude, how many times do you gotta adjust your hair, dude? 00:06:43.720 --> 00:06:48.460 Like honestly, I get it. I'll never be this happy, that's why. I'm - I'm jealous. 00:06:48.800 --> 00:06:49.920 I'm just a hater, alright? 00:06:49.960 --> 00:06:51.240 Don't listen to me. 00:06:51.240 --> 00:06:53.620 MAN: "If you did take steroids" "Yeah?" "Would you inject them?" 00:06:53.620 --> 00:06:57.040 "Yeah" "Every morning?" "Oh nah, some guys.." 00:06:57.040 --> 00:07:00.760 Put it if--If I was to use steroids 00:07:01.000 --> 00:07:03.800 "I'd be a very mild user, and I have once" 00:07:03.800 --> 00:07:11.040 "would've– if I had've ever tried it I would've tried it once to use a lot and–and didn't really notice a great deal of difference... Do ya know what I mean? But uhm..." 00:07:11.040 --> 00:07:14.340 "A lot of women take– WOULD take four to five times the amount that I take." 00:07:14.340 --> 00:07:16.340 MAN: "WOULD take?" 00:07:16.340 --> 00:07:18.200 BODY BUILDER: "Uh yeah–yeah WOULD take..." 00:07:18.200 --> 00:07:24.000 *Pewdiepie sniggering and probably spitting everywhere* 00:07:24.540 --> 00:07:25.640 Ugghh 00:07:27.480 --> 00:07:33.640 See? Louis is such a pro, 'cause I could not talk to people like this. Like I would just wanna *stumbles over words laughing* 00:07:34.680 --> 00:07:40.380 I can't talk to people like this. It doesn't work for me. That's impressive. That's a talent. 00:07:40.380 --> 00:07:42.380 Like if DJ Khaled spoke to me, 00:07:42.680 --> 00:07:48.820 I don't know how to respond--to pure gibberish. Like what do you say? I don't get it. 00:07:48.820 --> 00:07:52.820 "I got so much jerrley. I got more jerrley– and it's not even about the jerrley coz you know- 00:07:52.840 --> 00:07:55.000 MAN: "IT'S JEWELRY" KHALED:" Yeah, jerrley. But the end of the day is.." 00:07:56.200 --> 00:08:01.800 *sighs* This is hard, man, but I'm really enjoyed it. I'm not gonna lie. I-I-I enjoy the cringe- 00:08:05.940 --> 00:08:09.700 *Techno sounds* 00:08:12.240 --> 00:08:14.240 GET REKT 00:08:14.800 --> 00:08:20.200 That is some fresh memes, dude. Which year is this? 2015. UNFORGIVEABLE! 00:08:20.980 --> 00:08:25.040 Long Cat is a fucking meme from, like, 2009! 00:08:25.040 --> 00:08:26.640 But I'm not gonna finish this. 00:08:26.640 --> 00:08:30.820 Oh my God, what the fuck is this? I clicked a random frame! (ILLUMINATI CONFIRMED) 00:08:31.260 --> 00:08:39.900 A random frame! I did not set that up, what the fuck is going on, here? It's people like this that ruin the great name of PewDiePie! 00:08:39.900 --> 00:08:42.360 The fuck do you think I am? Full of memes? 00:08:46.300 --> 00:08:49.140 What the f- how f.. how dare you... ? 00:09:00.500 --> 00:09:01.120 I want this 00:09:01.260 --> 00:09:01.760 I want this 00:09:01.760 --> 00:09:03.000 I want this at my funeral. 00:09:03.000 --> 00:09:10.340 I really, honestly do. I'm putting this out here right now, this is official. When I die, play this shit at my funeral. 00:09:10.340 --> 00:09:11.220 Please. 00:09:12.040 --> 00:09:19.500 GQ. Is this Jaden Smith? KID: "A Lot of people these days talk about the same same thing is because they don't learn anything new. My whole life revolves around educating myself" 00:09:19.580 --> 00:09:27.580 What is it about young people? They're SO naïve. Yeah, you're vegan and atheist and you just discovered the world, and everyone else is blind. 00:09:27.580 --> 00:09:35.080 "and I leave at 7 am to go to a school that I started with me and my sister where we learn. It's pretty much like homeschooling but..." 00:09:35.100 --> 00:09:43.780 You started a school.. *chuckling* But it's pretty much homeschooling.. *chuckles* 00:09:43.780 --> 00:09:46.100 Oh, that's rich, man. *really laughs* 00:09:47.280 --> 00:09:48.060 Ah, okay 00:09:48.060 --> 00:09:50.060 "–my sister where we learn. It's pretty much like homeschooling" 00:09:50.660 --> 00:09:52.100 *laughing* 00:09:52.100 --> 00:09:54.100 This guy needs to go to school! 00:09:54.100 --> 00:10:02.460 This guy needs someone to say to his face, "Dude, you're a fucking idiot." And he'll be like, "Oh yeah." 00:10:02.660 --> 00:10:05.540 Okay finally, we have the ultimate cringe site. 00:10:05.820 --> 00:10:09.260 I swear to fucking God if it goes to the PewDiePie channel... 00:10:09.260 --> 00:10:12.860 *dramatic music* 00:10:12.860 --> 00:10:14.860 *dramatic music intensifies* 00:10:14.860 --> 00:10:20.100 Oh, it go--oh, it goes to the PewDiePie--that's real funny, you know? *sarcastic laugh* 00:10:20.100 --> 00:10:21.140 *depressed sigh* 00:10:21.140 --> 00:10:32.460 Alright, bros! What have we learned here today? If you make shitty sh--content, don't upload it to YouTube. I am the worst person in the universe to say that. *laughs* 00:10:35.440 --> 00:10:44.160 But anyway, if you enjoyed this video, leave a like, I hope you enjoyed. I had a lot of fun, and would love to do another one of these. Let me know and as always... 00:10:44.300 --> 00:10:46.840 STAY AWESOME BROS. 00:10:47.100 --> 00:10:56.640 Subtitles by Sans the Pun Master. Stay awesome as always, bros! (The guy in brackets were Subtitled by RhettTheOreo! I love you bros! Stay Awesome!) (Edited by MsEwma)(Edited by Someone__New)