WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

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[elevator music]

00:00:09.820 --> 00:00:11.820
[elevator music gives way to dramatic music]

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No... God, no!

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[dramatic music]

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Please, not Malcolm!
No, not another one!

00:00:24.640 --> 00:00:28.400
[dramatic music]

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Is it another challenge that you want, Malcolm?

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Then I am ready. But wait...

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I gotta put on my hater blockers.
[laughs sarcastically]

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I actually can't see anything.

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[dramatic music continues]
[Felix]: You think you can make me laugh?

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Nothing makes me laugh.

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[dramatic music]

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[music ends abruptly]
[Felix, distorted]: Let's begin.

00:00:50.940 --> 00:00:53.900
[reading from screen]: "You're visiting Pewdiepie on OkCupid."

00:00:53.900 --> 00:00:56.460
That's, like, a dating site.
I know that.

00:00:56.460 --> 00:00:59.360
I did not make that profile!
[reading from screen]: "My self-summary:"

00:00:59.360 --> 00:01:05.540
"...First and foremost I am a Sir. Always seem to find myself in the fr--" [snickers, then stops]

00:01:07.200 --> 00:01:08.180
"...in the friendzone."

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"...I'm a really nice guy that would rather spend a night cuddling than having sex."

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"...I am a--" [snickers and whimpers]
"...I am a--I'm--" [chuckles, then stops abruptly]

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"...I am a proud atheist and attend many free-thinking rallies. Wake up, sheeple!"

00:01:24.380 --> 00:01:27.420
"The first thing people usually notice about me:"

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"...My fedora. I'm never seen without it. T--"

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"...'Tis--"
"...'Tis a part of me."

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"...I spend a lot of time thinking about:"

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"...How people can be so blind and follow organized religion and if I'll ever get out of the f--" [chuckles]

00:01:45.360 --> 00:01:47.060
"On a typical Friday night, I am:"

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"...Relaxing at home with a glass of brandy and my thoughts."

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"The most private thing I'm willing to admit:"

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"...I'm still a virgin and I watch anime."

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...That's not true.
Whatever, all right? Whatever.

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You think...you think you're funny?

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Didn't even laugh.
So far, I'm fine.

00:02:03.900 --> 00:02:07.180
Oh, you got a video next!
That's cute. I'll play it.

00:02:07.680 --> 00:02:21.120
[light music playing in the video]

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[music abruptly stops]

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[tensely] I'm fine!
[snickers, then stops abruptly, catching himself]

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That was not a laugh.

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So far, I'm beating you at your own game, bitch! Malcolm! [blows kiss]

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I bet you are a virgin and watch anime.

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You're probably 8, so it actually makes sense.
But whatever!

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Next one.
[reading from screen] "I have to be someone..."

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"...on the internet because I'm..."
[stops abruptly]

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No!
I'll have you know, I am very...

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...popular in real life as well.

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I have many friends.

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[sad music]
...Shut up.

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Oh, another video! That's cute.

00:03:05.480 --> 00:03:06.920
Here we go.

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[woman droning in video]

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[woman screams, is cut off abruptly when the video ends]

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[Felix chuckles]

00:03:25.420 --> 00:03:27.080
[Felix groans]

00:03:30.760 --> 00:03:32.780
Didn't laugh.

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What the fuck was that...?
[snickers lightly]

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[snickers louder and sucks breath in sharply]

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All right, next one!

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[reading from screen]
"Hey, PewDiePie!"

00:03:42.660 --> 00:03:43.960
"...Kill yourself, pls."

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"...PewDiePie found dead."

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This is offensive to dead people.
I'm gonna post this on Tumblr.

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[sighs] Fuck you.

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[Felix, voiceover]: "I saw this post on Tumblr,
and I just want to say..."

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"...this is extremely offensive, not only to me,
but to the people of the universe who has ever died."

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"...I feel triggered, hurt, and vulnerable."

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[distorted noise]

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Here we go.

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[music plays in video]
[Felix, reading]: "Samurai Cop."

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"...He speaks fluent Japanese."

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[man #1 in video]: They call him Samurai.
He speaks fluent Japanese.

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[man #2 in video]: Are you Fuj...Fujiama?

00:04:19.480 --> 00:04:22.600
[man #3 in video]: What does "katana" mean?
[man #2 in video]: It means "Japanese sword."

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[upbeat, musical sting]

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[Felix chuckles]

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[gags, then breathes deeply]

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[deadpan] Hilarious.
Moving on!

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[reading from screen] "Oh yeah, baby!
Tell me what you want!"

00:04:45.080 --> 00:04:47.080
"...Talk to me like you're a fucking idiot!"

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"...PewDiePie is the best YouTube channel."
"That's perfect!"

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Hey, I mean, whatever gets her off, am I right?
Pound it.

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[upbeat, musical sting]

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Oh, another video.
Fine.

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The videos are the hardest, man.
I can't fuckin' do the videos.

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[long silence]

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[man screams, bells ring in video]

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[snickers]

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[snickers louder]

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[reading screen] "Let's watch a
Pewdiepie video starter pack."

00:05:26.620 --> 00:05:29.820
Okay, cool shirt - hey, I got one of those!

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Cool sunglasses. I got 'em!

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[reads screen] "Autism..."
[background music abruptly stops]

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...I got it!
[background music resumes]

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Grape juice. My favorite!

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[somber musical sting]

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[reads screen] "How to watch a PewDiePie video:"

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"...Method 1 out of 3. Commit suicide..."
[music abruptly stops]

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Oh, yeah? So you're telling me that
43 million people kill themselves?

00:05:59.880 --> 00:06:01.520
That doesn't even make any sense!

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[voice echoes as sinister music plays]
That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

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Man, this is too easy, come on.
[reads screen] Turkish man...

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[man in video] MEOW!

00:06:12.620 --> 00:06:14.620
[man in video] MEOW!

00:06:14.620 --> 00:06:16.640
...And people call my videos retarded.

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We did it!

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[hiccups and reads screen]
"And don't forget that PewDiePie sucks."

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"...Only in it for the money.
We've done good infiltrating his system."

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"Now we move on to phase 2..."

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[dramatic music]
Wait, what? Phase 2?

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[static]

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[computerized voice]: Now my sleeper agents,
it's time to be activated.

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Initiate Phase 2.
Code word: SEPTIC4LYF

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The war has only just begun.
Don't call me fat,

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...because you're fat, too.

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[music fades]
[static]

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That was another great video!
Leave a like if you enjoyed.

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Subscribe to become a Bro today!

00:06:54.260 --> 00:06:56.680
Watch the other part of "Try Not to Laugh Challenge"!

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Let me know if you did it or not.
Did you complete the challenge? Be honest!

00:07:00.640 --> 00:07:03.660
And as always... [kisses fist]
...Thank you Bros so much for watching my videos.

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I really appreciate it!
Stay awesome, Bros!

00:07:06.320 --> 00:07:18.720
[outro music in the background as previous video plays]

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[outro music]