*Coughing*
What are you still doing here?
YouTube,
those sons of bitches,
they took all my money.
*Coughing*
They demonetized all my videos,
as you can see
by this background.
I'm living in the...
I'm living in the slums.
I'm eating Edgar's dog food, that's right I
I, I made some bad investments. Ok, I-I
I thought it was gonna work out.
Who knew rats couldn't live underneath water?
Ok, maybe I-
..Maybe I should've seen that one coming. God dammit, why'd I
invest all my money in the rat – underwater rats? *CoUghS*
Leprosy,
I have leprosy now.
I'm gonna have to get a new job, don't you understand
the seriousensy of the situation? Why aren't you
looking at me, huh?
NO!!!!
No, I have not sunken that low yet. I'm gonna have
to find another job.
What job am I qualified at? What talents do I have
as a YouTuber?
*snickers*
That's a joke because YouTubers doesn't
have talent. Photoshop!
Photoshop, that's right.
Ainsley. *Bing!*
Photoshop.
*Bing!*
Let's see on Twitter, what people want me to
PpPpP-hotoshop.
DaddyOFive as a happy wholesome
American family. Well that's just straight up impossible.
Don't be ridiculous, Dan Bull.
Cinnamon ToastKen. "The future of YouTube." Right there.
Zooming in on the nipple.
*Dramatic music plays*
The real future of YouTube—
you just go to the Trending tab
and look at whatever cancer is on that shit.
We got Roman Atwood, Vox, iJustine and WhatsUpMoms.
"Photoshop Wall Street Journal into a good publication."
Okay. That should be easy enough.
I accept your challenge.
All right, we have the Wall Street Journal logo here.
Let's, uh, let's make some fine tuning adjustments.
Change the letters a little bit.
Rearrange, essentially just rearrange,
what we're looking at here.
Uhh!
Wow!
It's starting to look like something.
Could it be a good publication?
My God, let's
add some colouring.
Beautiful.
Uhh, Dolan, that'll be 50 bucks, okay?
You can PayPal me. *cheeky wink click*
WhosChaos says "fuck me up".
Well, this has already been Photoshopped, okay.
You clearly used some fuckin' filter
to smoothe out his skin.
What are you fuckin'...
All right, what can we do with this?
I don't fuckin' know.
I'm gonna be honest here.
You look like shit.
I'm sorry.
You don't look great.
But there...
there is a solution, okay?
I have a problem with
the fact that you're trying to steal my hair.
And
But I will say
you have a huge fucking nose
and, you know, represent.
As a fellow member of the
big-ass nose community,
I appreciate you
and I wanna
accentuate your best features –
Why? I can't stop doing that.
– by just lifting them up just a tiny bit.
We don't want you to look weird or bad or anything.
So let's just do that.
So let's just grab that beautiful nose.
And let's get rid of you.
Wow
That looks—wow can you tell I'm good at Photoshop?
Oh my God!
It looks so real.
Can't you tell by the pixels?
Yep, I'm definitely not regretting
spending time on this one.
I definitely think this was worth the effort.
"make him happy"
Who cries on camera?
What a goddamn loser.
I can't allow that to happen.
I will do it for free.
This should be easy.
Ah, fuck! I fucked it up.
I fucked it up.
Goddammit.
I'm not cut out for this.
jasmine g: "Make me into a doge please"
"notice me senpai it's my dream to be in one of ur vids"
Well, your wish is my command, as long as you PayPal.
I have a feeling she's gonna regret this.
I just found the perfect doge,
the perfect.
I mean already I can't tell the difference.
All right, let's start with the eyes.
Make it, make it nice and simple.
To be honest, already you look
ten times better.
Felix, the plastic surgeon.
Here to fulfil all your needs.
Moving on to the nose,
that looks great.
I love my life.
Thank you for asking.
Yes, I think we're getting somewhere.
Next time, it'd be really great if you could send me
like a little lower res photo.
That would be really helpful, thank you.
It looks like we're gonna have to give you
a complete new set of teeth.
Yes.
Yes. Now just the ears.
I don't see your ears.
I'm just gonna have to guess.
Actually, nevermind, there is a little ear tit.
That's all we gotta work with.
That's all we were doing… yes.
Proper dog ears.
Wow, look at that!
And you were already wearing a necklace
so there, there you go!
Oh my God.
Jesus Christ.
Let's have a little look-see – before.
After.
My God, you look great, honey!
That'll be 50 bucks! Thank you.
Oh my God.
If this continues, I might be able
to support myself.
"make me into a helicopter"
You know what?
I feel privileged to help you
in your transition into an Apache helicopter.
You're so brave.
Let's take your –
sorry, don't mean to be rude but
you have weird-ass fingers.
Disgusting.
But they will make you fly.
Fuck, like did you have to cover up
your whole goddamn face?
Wow, so brave.
Okay, what a great...
Goddammit, so fucking dumb.
Oh my God. Okay.
*claps*
Another satisfied customer.
Wow.
It feels great that I can make
people feel good.
"Can you give me big muscular arms"
A poor soul in pain, in need.
He doesn't have any arms.
It will be my honour,
my privilege
and my duty.
You know, some people say that
using
Photoshop-generated arms
is unethical,
dangerous,
can cause life, life-threatening disease.
No. I say no.
There's nothing wrong with it.
There's nothing wrong with having arms.
And if you have a problem with having arms,
you've got a problem with me
cos I have arms.
What the fuck am I talking about?
Dude, you're gonna look so swell!
Who needs to workout
when you look this good!
When you look this good, boy!
Damn, dawg.
You gonna fuck them hoes up.
Shit, man, you look fuckin' hella tight.
Holy shit, dawg, you look amazing.
Another satisfied customer.
Thank you.
"Give Gerard his eyebrows back"
What happened to Gerard's eyebrows?
You know what, not my
not, none of my bus—
none of my busi[ness].
I have always wondered
I know you were think—
you thought the same thing.
I've always wondered
what would it be like
to have—
okay, let's say it, let's say it on three.
One,
two,
caterpillar eyebrows.
Yes!
On point.
Hell—high five.
Caterpillar eyebrows
is the new hippest trend
that a lot of people don't know about.
I was a fan of caterpillars
before
caterpillars were cool, okay.
All right, all right.
Caterpillars is my thing.
It's what I define my identity around, caterpillars.
I've been thinking about this
caterpillar thing for a long time
and I want you to know, Gerard,
if you actually want me to
set, hit, hit you up
with some caterpillar eyebrows.
I can give you a discount
just cos I really like your music.
Would you like some caterpillar eyebrows?
Would—
And come now you get
two caterpillars for free.
You get one caterpillar ready for free.
As a friend, you get a friend, a caterpillar friend.
Wow, he looks—
he looks good.
He looks really good.
It feels rewarding.
"It's Edgar's turn to be in the middle."
He's so cute.
Jesus, guys, chill.
It was PooDiePie.
Come on, Wall Street,
you want PooDiePie, I swear.
I can tell you everything about him.
What the fuck.
"fix this"
Okay, no prob.
You're welcome.
That'll be another 50.
Here's a classic example of
'how the fuck am I supposed to do that?'
"Turn me into this pug"
Okay, well you're covering your whole goddamn—
you have glasses
and a fuckin' mug in your face.
How am I supposed to do that?
Now just because you
made such a dumb suggestion,
I'm gonna turn this cup into the pug.
Look what an amazing time that pug,
that *pfft** mug has.
What the fuck am I doing.
Goddammit.
The fuckin' unmonitization, man.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do,
but now I know.
Thanks to you guys and my amazing talent,
we can work this out together.
Appreciate ya
and, as always,
a little—
Ha! Came in with that one!