WEBVTT Kind: captions Language: en 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.840 I am the first one to have ever played this game before, 00:00:03.300 --> 00:00:04.300 You are in great ceriiu 00:00:04.660 --> 00:00:07.180 This game is gonna be so fucking good!! 00:00:07.240 --> 00:00:08.780 You can tell just by looking at it. 00:00:09.240 --> 00:00:11.400 OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD. 00:00:11.880 --> 00:00:13.680 I am so excited to play this game, 00:00:13.680 --> 00:00:15.940 I'm sure that everyone who played this game is playing it, 00:00:15.940 --> 00:00:17.780 because they think its a really good game, 00:00:17.780 --> 00:00:19.800 and not because they think it's gonna get a lot of clicks on YouTube, 00:00:19.800 --> 00:00:21.320 because of the title of the game, 00:00:21.320 --> 00:00:24.200 and you tell me right now, that THAT is not a copy of me. 00:00:24.200 --> 00:00:26.780 They're using my likeness for this fucking shit! 00:00:26.780 --> 00:00:29.700 HOW DO THEY EVEN GET AWAY WITH [USING] YOUTUBERS IN THE TITLE!? 00:00:29.700 --> 00:00:31.700 WHY ARE THEY BLURRING THE GAMEPLAY!? 00:00:31.700 --> 00:00:33.700 What is it, some fucking porn he's looking at!? 00:00:33.700 --> 00:00:35.600 New game, please! 00:00:35.600 --> 00:00:37.200 Finally, I've made it. 00:00:37.320 --> 00:00:39.460 I am the most popular YouTuber. 00:00:39.460 --> 00:00:41.400 This game is PLAGIARIZING! 00:00:41.400 --> 00:00:43.700 It's been a long, hard trip... 00:00:43.700 --> 00:00:44.400 No it... 00:00:44.400 --> 00:00:47.680 I just uploaded some videos and people watched it... 00:00:47.680 --> 00:00:48.620 It's not that big a deal. 00:00:48.620 --> 00:00:50.560 Alright well let's... ah, 'create Pewdiepie'. 00:00:50.560 --> 00:00:52.400 [ominous wub wubs] 00:00:52.400 --> 00:00:54.280 No that's... I don't have to change anything. 00:00:54.280 --> 00:00:55.540 Just need to change the eye color. 00:00:56.100 --> 00:00:57.620 And I have a beard now, so (Unfortunately) 00:00:57.620 --> 00:00:59.640 "Personality". Well... 00:00:59.680 --> 00:01:00.340 That one? 00:01:00.560 --> 00:01:01.140 That one? 00:01:01.280 --> 00:01:02.520 ...no not THAT one... 00:01:02.660 --> 00:01:04.220 ...and that one and... 00:01:04.220 --> 00:01:05.080 that one and.. 00:01:05.200 --> 00:01:05.700 ...that one! 00:01:05.700 --> 00:01:08.320 Okay, we're gonna do a gameplay video. (What a surprise) 00:01:11.400 --> 00:01:12.920 The fuck is this?? 00:01:12.920 --> 00:01:14.660 Alright, what should we call the video?? 00:01:14.940 --> 00:01:19.200 "BIG ASS BOOTY...SEX TAPE PEWIDPEIE." (GONE WRONG, GONE SEXUAL) 00:01:19.200 --> 00:01:20.780 Okay there we are, making the gameplay, 00:01:21.040 --> 00:01:21.900 What am I doing? 00:01:21.900 --> 00:01:22.840 (Making the gameplay?) 00:01:23.140 --> 00:01:25.220 I'm choosing reactions. Okay. 00:01:25.920 --> 00:01:27.540 "Unfunny Comment." (Not the first time on this channel) 00:01:27.540 --> 00:01:28.640 (laugh) 00:01:29.200 --> 00:01:30.160 ( Stop staring, you are turning me on) 00:01:31.440 --> 00:01:32.160 (Too late) 00:01:33.040 --> 00:01:34.000 Fuck you game! 00:01:34.000 --> 00:01:34.820 (Game; "Fuck you back" ) 00:01:34.820 --> 00:01:35.760 What are you trying to tell me here? 00:01:35.900 --> 00:01:38.260 Alright it's about to edit the video... okay? 00:01:38.420 --> 00:01:42.700 Let's add some coloring and...titl- let's add a funny title there. (Acting like a pro editor) 00:01:42.700 --> 00:01:44.480 Oh boy, this is gonna be a great video. (Nope, it never will Pewds) 00:01:44.480 --> 00:01:45.280 "ACTING." 00:01:45.420 --> 00:01:46.840 What are you telling me here?? (That you are acting) 00:01:46.840 --> 00:01:48.920 This is the life of YouTuber right here... (We know, we've seen you) 00:01:49.600 --> 00:01:51.000 'S pretty much it in a nutshell. 00:01:51.000 --> 00:01:52.280 Okay, we can sellout... 00:01:52.280 --> 00:01:54.280 "Accept an order for at least..." 00:01:55.260 --> 00:01:55.940 Okay. 00:01:56.500 --> 00:01:59.180 Sellout is definitely a huge part of being a YouTuber. 00:01:59.180 --> 00:02:01.580 We're gonna play 'Giant [Gorillas] Soccer.' (Learn how to pronounce, god damn it) 00:02:02.260 --> 00:02:03.020 "Start a video..." 00:02:03.020 --> 00:02:04.600 We're gonna do a gameplay. 00:02:04.780 --> 00:02:06.220 God this game is boring me to death. (So are you) 00:02:06.220 --> 00:02:07.100 Go! Make the video! 00:02:07.220 --> 00:02:08.940 What am I doing to the game?! 00:02:08.940 --> 00:02:10.060 Fucking kissing it?! 00:02:10.200 --> 00:02:13.160 Come on, game... PLEASE I need the views! (We know Pewds) 00:02:13.160 --> 00:02:15.480 No one's covered "Gorilla Soccer 2" yet!(Pewds before posting a video) 00:02:15.480 --> 00:02:17.240 THIS IS GONNA BE A GREAT ONE! (Pewds before posting a video) 00:02:17.240 --> 00:02:18.320 THIS IS GONNA BE THE WINNER!(Pewds before posting a video) 00:02:18.320 --> 00:02:24.840 "Insane gorilla takes bath of brofist with me..." okay that's it. 00:02:25.060 --> 00:02:27.700 Hey, we got 6 subscribers!!! 24 views!!! 00:02:27.900 --> 00:02:30.080 MOM! Get the fuck out mom! (Mom *sad*) 00:02:30.340 --> 00:02:32.500 I'm busy staring at my closet! 00:02:32.500 --> 00:02:34.960 "School called me and you missed a lot of classes." 00:02:35.560 --> 00:02:36.440 Fuck you, mom! 00:02:36.440 --> 00:02:38.820 I'm gonna be a YouTuber one day mom~! (Mom;"Why did I raise a failure?") 00:02:38.820 --> 00:02:40.060 We can look at the comments... 00:02:40.520 --> 00:02:42.680 "I've loved watching this gameplay." (No one does Pewds) 00:02:42.880 --> 00:02:47.080 "I can't believe that a self-proclaimed YouTuber is this bad at editing." 00:02:47.080 --> 00:02:50.220 "Take some classes, for the sake of your own users." (Thank God someone said it) 00:02:50.220 --> 00:02:52.520 ALLYSON! YOU'RE A PIECE OF SHIT! 00:02:52.520 --> 00:02:53.420 FUCK YOU!! 00:02:53.420 --> 00:02:55.820 What're you wearing?! You look like trash! (Has he ever looked in a mirror?) 00:02:55.980 --> 00:02:58.360 "League of giants..." Done. 00:02:58.540 --> 00:03:00.460 Okay, another title... another title. 00:03:00.820 --> 00:03:02.320 How do you do titles? (Searching for Drama Alert) 00:03:02.320 --> 00:03:02.820 Oh I get it. 00:03:02.860 --> 00:03:04.880 You just put "PEWDIEPIE" in there... GOT IT. 00:03:05.480 --> 00:03:07.260 This'll surely get a lot of views. 00:03:07.480 --> 00:03:10.820 Make an "unfunny comment"... BOOM 00:03:11.180 --> 00:03:12.780 Look! I'm Jacksepticeye!! (and Pewds) 00:03:12.840 --> 00:03:13.600 "GOT EEEM!!!" 00:03:13.600 --> 00:03:15.700 Why have I not made any money yet?! (Because you suck?) 00:03:15.700 --> 00:03:17.380 I've been doing YouTube for years! 00:03:17.380 --> 00:03:19.180 Where's dat fucking money?! (takes 8 million a year) 00:03:19.180 --> 00:03:22.720 Okay, so now time is passing... we made $2. 00:03:23.120 --> 00:03:24.880 Fuck yeah we made $2.(Pewds is finally happy) 00:03:24.920 --> 00:03:28.840 Look how depressed I am. This game really IS realistic. (He said it, not me) 00:03:28.980 --> 00:03:30.660 What the fuck am i doing?! 00:03:30.780 --> 00:03:32.980 Just walkin in to stare at the corner? 00:03:33.440 --> 00:03:35.840 At least it's more fun than doing this shit. (Or watching your videos) 00:03:36.020 --> 00:03:38.500 Come on, Pewdiepie! Come outta there! 00:03:38.640 --> 00:03:40.000 You gotta make another video dude! 00:03:40.000 --> 00:03:44.740 Come on Poodiepie... you gotta make another video, like every fucking day! 00:03:44.740 --> 00:03:46.180 Come on, man! 00:03:46.420 --> 00:03:47.700 Come on, buddy... 00:03:47.940 --> 00:03:51.100 Oh, that's it! I know you need dat money! (*Caughs* 8 million) 00:03:51.100 --> 00:03:53.340 You fucking greedy, little bitch! 00:03:53.980 --> 00:03:57.580 Oh ho... oh, look at him forcing a smile! (What is he doing now?) 00:03:57.920 --> 00:04:00.860 Yeah, let's make a happy expression... there you go. (Fake) 00:04:01.460 --> 00:04:03.460 Those idiots! They bought it! 00:04:03.620 --> 00:04:06.980 Another happy expression! Oh my god! (i hate pewdiepie, pewdiepie sucks) 00:04:08.260 --> 00:04:10.740 Let's force out a funny comment. (Finally he admits it) 00:04:11.720 --> 00:04:12.440 Nailed it. 00:04:12.460 --> 00:04:13.660 Okay, we got some comments. 00:04:13.760 --> 00:04:16.180 "If you don't know how to record videos properly," 00:04:16.180 --> 00:04:19.300 "You shouldn't be a YouTuber. That's how it is. Buh-bye." (i hate pewdiepie, pewdiepie sucks) 00:04:20.260 --> 00:04:21.220 Fuck you. 00:04:21.700 --> 00:04:24.060 Got 40 likes on that bitch. Ugh~ (bling) 00:04:24.060 --> 00:04:26.060 40 likes on that mudafucka! 00:04:26.080 --> 00:04:30.280 Forty... two! FUCK YOU! What'd you say? Who disliked that shit!? (Everybody Pewds) 00:04:30.280 --> 00:04:32.020 Mom! Mom! Was that you again? 00:04:32.200 --> 00:04:33.060 I hate you, mom. 00:04:33.760 --> 00:04:34.980 You don't understand me. 00:04:35.040 --> 00:04:36.980 I got more views than you mom, shut up. 00:04:36.980 --> 00:04:38.380 Oh, there's our new game. Okay. 00:04:38.820 --> 00:04:40.720 Okay, we're playing this horror game. 00:04:41.020 --> 00:04:43.540 Let's... let's give it murderous look that always works. 00:04:43.540 --> 00:04:44.040 o 00:04:44.040 --> 00:04:44.540 o. 00:04:44.540 --> 00:04:46.020 o.O 00:04:46.020 --> 00:04:47.880 That's a classic Pewdiepie seller right there 00:04:47.880 --> 00:04:49.140 o.O 00:04:49.140 --> 00:04:51.100 Okay let's make an off-topic comment. 00:04:51.680 --> 00:04:53.600 I got haircut today waddaya guys think?~ 00:04:53.600 --> 00:04:56.540 Is it uhh... is it good? You guys like it? 00:04:56.540 --> 00:05:00.480 The self-realization of what a piece of shit you are while playing this game... 00:05:00.760 --> 00:05:03.520 Alright we can promote this vid... okay we can self-advertise. 00:05:04.260 --> 00:05:05.860 Alright let's uhh... let's do that. 00:05:06.400 --> 00:05:09.440 "Hi guys..." Uh no no no. You gotta trick em... 00:05:09.720 --> 00:05:11.540 ...you gotta trick em like it's an actual comment. 00:05:11.540 --> 00:05:15.600 "Great video. Really watched... watched all of it, honestly. BTW," 00:05:16.000 --> 00:05:24.780 "Check out my channel and subscribe please need more subcs thank you very much." 00:05:26.120 --> 00:05:26.760 Boom. 00:05:27.020 --> 00:05:28.780 Man YouTube life is EASY!! 00:05:28.780 --> 00:05:31.040 This is some straight-up bullshit! 00:05:31.260 --> 00:05:32.860 "You're losing subscribers." 00:05:32.860 --> 00:05:35.200 OH GOD! RED ALERT RED ALERT! 00:05:35.200 --> 00:05:35.980 What do we do!? 00:05:35.980 --> 00:05:36.740 We're losing subs! 00:05:36.740 --> 00:05:38.980 Oh god... make a new video, make a new video fast! 00:05:38.980 --> 00:05:41.340 We gotta make a new video fast! Whatever we got whatever! 00:05:41.340 --> 00:05:42.300 Broken words? Got it. 00:05:42.300 --> 00:05:44.640 I'll make another video! I'll make 50 videos! 00:05:44.640 --> 00:05:47.120 I don't give a shit. Just crank that shit out. 00:05:47.200 --> 00:05:52.060 "Here ya go, you ungrateful sonovabitches." 00:05:52.060 --> 00:05:53.620 Alright... okay... alright : 00:05:53.620 --> 00:05:55.760 "Hello! Wait... let's do a..uh, a singing comment!" 00:05:55.760 --> 00:06:00.900 "OOM WACHA SAAAY~ MMM DAT YA ONLY MEANT WELL~" 00:06:00.900 --> 00:06:02.340 Let's do professional comment : 00:06:02.340 --> 00:06:05.380 "Oh wow! The graphics in this game looks very cool!" 00:06:05.600 --> 00:06:08.660 "The 1080p resolution is just... wow!" 00:06:08.660 --> 00:06:10.560 Man, I am so good at making videos. 00:06:10.600 --> 00:06:14.440 This shit does itself... let's... eh... just... yeah this is how you EDIT. 00:06:14.440 --> 00:06:17.240 Where's my next paycheck?! Thank you very much! 00:06:17.240 --> 00:06:21.140 Where's the option to randomly yell at this uh... at the camera? 00:06:21.840 --> 00:06:22.680 AGHHHHH! 00:06:22.800 --> 00:06:24.760 Where's the option to be fake scared? 00:06:25.060 --> 00:06:27.460 "What the fuck, this guy is not gonna go anywhere." 00:06:27.660 --> 00:06:29.460 "This guy is clearly an amateur." 00:06:30.380 --> 00:06:32.500 Okay, we can decorate our desk, erm... 00:06:32.500 --> 00:06:34.500 Yeah what can we do...? Uh... 00:06:36.460 --> 00:06:37.700 Let's buy the cheapest thing... 00:06:37.700 --> 00:06:39.840 What's that? A lava lamp. That's pretty cool. 00:06:39.860 --> 00:06:43.460 Oh shit we failed our grades, mum is gonna be so pissed... 00:06:45.240 --> 00:06:46.800 Once she's done staring at the- 00:06:46.800 --> 00:06:48.580 OH MY GOD SHE TELEPORTED. 00:06:49.820 --> 00:06:50.580 What is she doing?! 00:06:50.680 --> 00:06:52.960 NOO MOM NOOO!!! NOOO!!!! 00:06:53.260 --> 00:06:55.080 Mom!! What are you doing?! 00:06:55.080 --> 00:06:58.340 I'm gonna lose so many subscribers, mum. Nooo... 00:06:58.340 --> 00:07:01.360 Does my mom even know that that's not the actual computer? 00:07:01.520 --> 00:07:02.020 (chuckle) 00:07:02.020 --> 00:07:02.900 What a dumb bitch! 00:07:03.080 --> 00:07:06.320 Oh god we gotta make a new video fast before we lose any more subscribers! 00:07:07.800 --> 00:07:12.160 "Hundred.... one... flawless gameplay." 00:07:12.860 --> 00:07:16.340 Lets add some copyrighted music! HAHAHAHA 00:07:17.000 --> 00:07:18.840 I would never do that shit!! 00:07:18.980 --> 00:07:20.260 That's unethical, man! 00:07:20.260 --> 00:07:22.060 Oh boy this is gonna be a long video. 00:07:22.880 --> 00:07:26.640 If the video is more than 10 minutes, we're gonna make double AdSense. Come on! 00:07:26.660 --> 00:07:29.460 Drag out the outro! Make the outro longer! 00:07:29.460 --> 00:07:31.340 Make the outro another 50 minutes! 00:07:32.800 --> 00:07:35.040 Oh my god, the video quality is up the roof! 00:07:36.000 --> 00:07:38.020 I'm up there now with the big YouTubers! 00:07:39.000 --> 00:07:41.240 "Greetings, are you Felix Kjellburr..." 00:07:41.240 --> 00:07:42.600 "I heard you record videos." 00:07:42.600 --> 00:07:44.420 "Could you record a video game and upload it?" 00:07:44.420 --> 00:07:45.480 "I'll send you the game." 00:07:45.480 --> 00:07:47.080 Free game! Absolutely. 00:07:47.560 --> 00:07:50.200 100 likes! Boom! That's the new record! 00:07:50.600 --> 00:07:51.300 Fuck yeah! 00:07:51.480 --> 00:07:53.340 I'm the best YouTuber in the world! 00:07:53.480 --> 00:07:55.760 Oh, I got a new game, "Horrifying Sewers!" 00:07:55.940 --> 00:07:58.180 No one has ever played "Horrifying Sewers!" 00:07:58.280 --> 00:07:59.580 This is the new horror game! 00:07:59.580 --> 00:08:01.580 It's gonna bring my channel to new levels. 00:08:02.120 --> 00:08:03.200 We gotta upload it fast! 00:08:03.200 --> 00:08:06.000 Fuck the quality, fuck the content, 00:08:06.500 --> 00:08:08.120 It's gotta go up fast! 00:08:08.440 --> 00:08:16.700 "Scariest game ever scared of holy shit died... uhh... peed a little." 00:08:17.780 --> 00:08:19.080 Bam, that's the title. 00:08:19.080 --> 00:08:21.560 Alright we're gonna start up with some copyrighted music, 00:08:21.560 --> 00:08:24.580 get it rolled like uh... um...get a... fuck, I don't care 00:08:24.580 --> 00:08:25.260 "Murderous look." 00:08:25.260 --> 00:08:26.220 o.O 00:08:26.380 --> 00:08:27.420 Jam! Nailed it. 00:08:27.420 --> 00:08:28.740 Ok we gotta make a "serious comment." : 00:08:28.940 --> 00:08:32.380 "Wow this game looks really cool! I'm so into this!" 00:08:32.680 --> 00:08:36.880 Alright let's pretend we're happy playing it... uh no, fuck that. Lets make it a "Murderous Look!" 00:08:36.880 --> 00:08:38.160 o.O 00:08:38.160 --> 00:08:39.560 Works every time! 00:08:39.560 --> 00:08:42.200 Those... fangirls are goin crrrrrazy! 00:08:42.540 --> 00:08:43.840 This is my greatest video. 00:08:44.060 --> 00:08:46.100 This is my best video I've ever made. 00:08:46.560 --> 00:08:47.320 I'm SO proud. 00:08:47.460 --> 00:08:49.400 Aw shit, we got a copyright strike... 00:08:49.400 --> 00:08:50.620 Not this shit again! 00:08:50.900 --> 00:08:53.420 I don't wanna deal with this bullshit! (cha ching) 00:08:53.720 --> 00:08:54.840 Look how sad I am. 00:08:54.840 --> 00:08:56.400 Look how sad YouTube has made me. 00:08:56.800 --> 00:08:58.240 I'm a sad, sad man. 00:08:58.960 --> 00:09:00.960 This is the truth behind YouTube. 00:09:01.240 --> 00:09:02.840 We're all depressed... 00:09:02.840 --> 00:09:04.940 Why would anyone want to become a YouTuber? 00:09:05.400 --> 00:09:07.240 For the fame? For the money? 00:09:07.640 --> 00:09:09.300 For the mom-yelling-at-you? 00:09:09.560 --> 00:09:10.660 Look at me... 00:09:11.960 --> 00:09:13.240 Look at what I am... 00:09:13.680 --> 00:09:15.280 Look at my shitty content... 00:09:15.640 --> 00:09:16.960 Was it worth it? 00:09:17.960 --> 00:09:19.140 I don't know. 00:09:19.600 --> 00:09:21.800 I've gotten so many views... 00:09:21.940 --> 00:09:26.700 but at the same time, I'm Pewdiepie... you know what I mean? 00:09:26.960 --> 00:09:28.420 ...just feel dirty. 00:09:28.680 --> 00:09:30.820 I used to be so young and innocent... 00:09:31.140 --> 00:09:32.000 Look at me. 00:09:32.300 --> 00:09:33.580 Now, look at me now. 00:09:33.580 --> 00:09:35.140 You don't wanna be a YouTuber. 00:09:35.940 --> 00:09:37.680 Get a real job. xD 00:09:37.700 --> 00:09:40.760 I don't wanna do this shit anymore. I quit! 00:09:41.400 --> 00:09:43.480 I can't quit... how do I quit??? 00:09:43.480 --> 00:09:45.780 I'm deleting this game and I'm deleting my channel. 00:09:45.940 --> 00:09:49.040 I said dirty! Dirty and disgusting! 00:09:49.920 --> 00:09:52.560 I can't do this shit anymore! I'm out! 00:09:52.680 --> 00:09:53.580 Fuck you. 00:09:54.080 --> 00:09:55.120 Fuck everyone. 00:09:55.960 --> 00:09:58.680 (cry) 00:09:59.600 --> 00:10:01.920 I'm going back to selling hotdogs. 00:10:02.540 --> 00:10:03.560 Now you know how it works! 00:10:03.680 --> 00:10:04.940 No... but for real... uhhh 00:10:04.940 --> 00:10:07.240 This game wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, 00:10:07.400 --> 00:10:10.060 I don't know if it's my type of game but it was fun to check out! 00:10:10.380 --> 00:10:12.220 Leave a like if you enjoyed watching, 00:10:12.400 --> 00:10:14.260 and uhh now you know all my secrets so uh 00:10:14.440 --> 00:10:16.620 I guess I really should just quit. 00:10:16.780 --> 00:10:21.200 I think for all YouTubers can agree on that it's- it's... lot of work, 00:10:21.420 --> 00:10:22.820 It's really stressful, 00:10:23.200 --> 00:10:25.100 but we do it because we love it. 00:10:25.220 --> 00:10:29.220 A lot of people seem to see YouTube as a way to get famous or get money. 00:10:29.560 --> 00:10:31.680 Just make videos because you enjoy making them. 00:10:32.880 --> 00:10:34.160 That's my #1 tip 00:10:34.520 --> 00:10:35.860 from #1 hypocrite. 00:10:36.740 --> 00:10:41.500 C U later ma lil clit... sorry ok um... stay awesome bros!