WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:00.800
Turn on the light!

00:00:01.000 --> 00:00:01.700
Thank you.

00:00:01.900 --> 00:00:02.500
Hello!

00:00:02.500 --> 00:00:05.500
The current stand-up, perhaps I'll start with the setup.

00:00:05.500 --> 00:00:07.500
Mohammed sits on his haunches in Berlin

00:00:07.500 --> 00:00:09.500
and spits on the ground through a hole in the teeth.

00:00:09.500 --> 00:00:11.500
Suddenly a fairy appears and says:

00:00:11.500 --> 00:00:14.000
— I socialist social liberal fairy!

00:00:14.000 --> 00:00:16.500
I came to grant you three wishes!

00:00:16.500 --> 00:00:18.500
— Look what I got hole in my mouth!

00:00:18.500 --> 00:00:21.500
I wish I was cured and put all his teeth!

00:00:21.500 --> 00:00:24.000
No sooner had Mohammed to utter these words,

00:00:24.000 --> 00:00:27.500
he left the law on free medical treatment and prosthetics

00:00:27.500 --> 00:00:29.000
for social foreigners,

00:00:29.000 --> 00:00:32.000
and his mouth began to Shine white Hollywood smile.

00:00:32.000 --> 00:00:35.000
— I really miss my four wives and fifteen kids,

00:00:35.000 --> 00:00:39.500
and parents, brothers and sisters, parents-brothers-sisters of my wives!

00:00:39.500 --> 00:00:42.500
I wish we all lived in a luxurious Villa,

00:00:42.500 --> 00:00:44.000
and that money was always a lot!

00:00:44.000 --> 00:00:47.500
No sooner had Mohammed to me was in a beautiful Villa!

00:00:47.500 --> 00:00:51.500
On the table — the text of the law on family reunification for social foreigners,

00:00:51.500 --> 00:00:55.000
and Bank statements with information about the received benefits.

00:00:55.000 --> 00:00:57.500
The house is fully furnished and equipped with appliances

00:00:57.500 --> 00:01:00.500
in accordance with 
the law on assistance in purchasing furniture

00:01:00.500 --> 00:01:02.500
and appliances for social foreigners.

00:01:03.000 --> 00:01:04.000
And now the punch line.

00:01:04.500 --> 00:01:07.500
Happy Mohammed does not know, why would he even ask,

00:01:07.500 --> 00:01:10.000
because one wish still left. And he asked:

00:01:10.000 --> 00:01:13.000
— Want to become a real German. Not only by nationality.

00:01:13.500 --> 00:01:17.000
Want to be a blue-eyed blond, and that my name was Fritz Schulz!

00:01:17.000 --> 00:01:19.500
Before he could finish the phrase, all disappeared,

00:01:19.500 --> 00:01:24.500
and he found himself once again squatting and spitting on the ground through a hole in the teeth.

00:01:24.500 --> 00:01:27.000
— What happened? he asked the fairies.

00:01:27.000 --> 00:01:29.500
— Shame on you, Mr. Schultz, to beg the state!

00:01:29.500 --> 00:01:33.000
You have to take care of themselves! Go and look for work!

00:01:33.000 --> 00:01:34.100
That's all.

00:01:34.100 --> 00:01:36.100
Goodbye!