Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria…
Equestria didn’t exist.
What did exist were three warring tribes, divided by racism.
They were also very, very cold.
The coldness followed the tribes everywhere they went and only made them angrier at each other.
The pegasi could fly and control some of the weather, but they couldn’t grow food in
their clouds.
They were hungry all the time.
The earth ponies could grow a butt ton of food, but could do little against the weather.
They were cold all the time.
The unicorns couldn’t fly and were also hungry, but they had magic, so they were the
superior race.
They were superior all the time.
It’s soon discovered that the cold weather is caused by Windigos feeding on their hate
for one another.
The three tribes are forced to unite and ‘friendship really hard’ until the Windigos are banished.
Once the cold weather was gone, the tribes realized they could use their abilities to
help one another.
The unicorns then built their new capital of Equestria: Canterlot.
It is here that they appoint their new rulers, who are alicorns.
Alicorns are like unicorns but better because they can fly.
Alicorns are very important, but among these few alicorns are two sisters, Celestia and
Luna, who are the most most important.
These two do all the sorts of things you’d expect from two children of an elite race
such as writing journals, exploring the forest, and building another castle in the middle
of nowhere; because why not.
Somewhere around this time The Crystal Empire is formed.
It has something to do with a unicorn named Amore getting her cutie mark, but no one actually
reads the comic books so we can’t be sure.
The elite of Canterlot care not for the happenings of a foreign race and go about their daily lives.
Celestia and Luna grow up.
They have the duty of controlling the sun and moon.
This duty is bestowed upon them by a wizard named Star Swirl the Bearded.
Star Swirl is known for his magical abilities.
And for being bearded.
Around this time in the north, a protective relic known as The Crystal Heart is stolen
by a dragon.
This causes The Crystal Empire to get really cold and its citizens are not happy about this.
“We are not happy about this.”
They said.
Thankfully, Princess Amore is powerful enough to replace the heart.
She does so just long enough for Celestia and Luna to fly north and rescue it.
“Why would you want live in such an inhospitable place?”
Celestia asked Amore.
“I dunno.” said Amore.
With the Crystal Heart back, the magical energy is once again generated by the spirits of
the Crystal Empire's citizens.
Their spirits are kept high by weaving baskets, playing weird instruments, and murdering each
other in jousting tournaments.
Suddenly, a god of chaos rips a hole in the fabric of reality and unleashes chaos all over
Equestria for a bunch of years.
Some believe this is a period of time where the previous generations of My Little Pony exist.
What other than the mind of a god of chaos could produce the likes of sea ponies and
Newborn Cuties?
Celestia and Luna find a magical tree in the forest they used to play in, on which they
find what we now know of as The Elements of Harmony.
They use The Elements of Harmony to turn the chaos god known as Discord into stone.
Discord is used as a decorative stature in Canterlot for pigeons to poop on for thousands
of years.
Celestia hides the Elements away in the ‘other’ castle for future use.
“What art thou to do with those, dear sister?”
Luna asked.
“I dunno.”
replied Celestia.
Meanwhile, two weird looking brothers visit Equestria with the intent of robbing it of
its pony magic.
Their names: Scorpan and Lord Tirek.
Scorpan decides that he actually likes ponies, and rather than take over Equestria he betrays
Tirek and helps Celestia.
Scorpan feels bad for his non-brony brother, and gives him a gold medallion as a sign of
his brotherly love.
Then Celestia banishes Tirek to Tartarus which is basically pony-hell.
Tirek is unhappy about being sent to pony-hell and swears revenge.
“K, have fun with that.”
Said Celestia.
Before anypony in a position of leadership can catch their breaths, another villain tries
to take over.
This time, it’s King Sombra, in the Crystal Empire!
Celestia and Luna fly north and defeat him, but in doing so they activate his trap card
causing a super evil curse to activate.
This super evil curse causes the Crystal Empire to disappear, along with the writer’s care
for coherent storytelling.
After defeating yet another villain with minimal casualties, Celestia and Luna fly back to
Canterlot.
Luna is tired of being a princess that only comes out at night, and with the help of some
super evil magic she transforms into a villain that only comes out at night.
She calls herself: Nightmare Moon.
Oh yeah did I mention that she controls the moon and can enter ponies’ dreams?
Yeah that’s probably where the name’s from.
Thankfully, Celestia had been saving the Elements of Harmony for a rainy day like this, and
with much regret, and much love for irony, she banishes her banana-loving sister to the moon.
After losing the Crystal Empire and her sister, Celestia decides that she shouldn’t be the
only pony capable of keeping order in Equestria.
Celestia forms a royal guard, known as the E.U.P., to watch over Equestria.
This royal guard proves to be a pointless endeavour because almost a thousand years
pass without any notable disasters.
Equestria is growing as fast as the average brony’s doll collection, with various pun-tastic
cities sprouting up everywhere.
Ponyville is founded not far from Canterlot, thanks to the presence of magical Zap Apples
which drive tourism and trade.
Many moons later, the eventual Mane Six are born and raised.
Applejack and Rarity in Ponyville, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy in Cloudsdale, Twilight
Sparkle in Canterlot, and Pinkie Pie on a rock farm… somewhere.
Shortly before leaving school and moving to Ponyville, Rainbow Dash participates in a
race that forever changes the course of Equestrian history.
In a magical blast of energy, Rainbow Dash’s speed and raw awesomeness forms a sonic rainboom.
This causes a chain reaction of events affecting each of the future Mane Six.
But before that can happen, a time-traveling unicorn named Starlight Glimmer rips a hole
in the fabric of time, causing numerous alternate universes including but not limited to:
Sombra’s Reign, Literally Fallout, and Capitalism.
For the sake of simplicity, we’ll stick with the most popular timeline.
The one in which the fewest ponies die.
Twilight Sparkle is startled by the rainboom during an entry exam, which causes a magical
surge of energy to get Princess-senpai to notice her.
It also transforms Twilight’s parents into plants and probably kills some ponies just outside.
It’s okay though, because Celestia takes Twilight Sparkle in as her protégé and later
sends her to Ponyville in search of friends.
Because Twilight’s friends in Canterlot simply weren’t good enough for the princess.
Little did Twilight know, Celestia is frequented by visions of the future and had a plan.
Unlike the writers.
The Mane Six happen to meet in Ponyville, just in time for the Summer Sun Celebration.
This is an annual event to celebrate Celestia’s victory over Nightmare Moon.
Suddenly, Nightmare Moon returns from the moon and kidnaps Celestia.
Equestria is plunged into darkness.
Solar energy companies everywhere go bankrupt.
Meanwhile, The newly-formed Mane Six join together to fulfill an ancient prophecy to
save Celestia and all of Equestria.
Or at least, the important parts of Equestria.
Everypony forgot about the Crystal Empire already.
It is during this adventure that they discover the Elements of Harmony stored away in the
‘other’ castle, which is now in the middle of a super evil magical forest known as Everfree.
Then, Nightmare Moon destroys the Elements.
“Ha!
The elements are destroyed!” said Nightmare Moon.
“Ha!
We’re actually the elements!” said Twilight.
The Mane Six then ‘friendship really hard’ and defeat Nightmare Moon.
Rather than banishment to the moon or pony-hell, the Mane Six simply strip Nightmare Moon of
her super evil magic and she transforms back into Luna.
Oh and Celestia also appears out of nowhere and the day is saved by plot convenience.
You may now proceed to view the entire My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic cartoon.
Pretty much everything picks up from there.
"...And that's how Equestria was made!"