[Celestia]:Oh, shit! [Luna]:Wait, wait, watch, watch-
[The Two Shitlords]: Oooooh!
Friday the 13th
One of Atlas' best games!
What?
Alright!
Oh shit!
Okay.
Why are there monsters?
They're- They- Okay, as a kid,
I just assumed these were Sasquatches.
Yeah? Just ignore them.
No, you need them.
Cuz... that's the only way you get items.
Oh, fuck this.
And you want to get rid of the fucking rock
[Luna]:As soon as fucking possible. [Celestia]:No shit, because the rock-
Yeah!! [Painful screech]
Whoa, whoa?
Whoa!
No, this is just-
Are you a dream warrior now?
[Alarm] What's... What's that?
The Jason alarm!
What is the Jason alarm?
He's killing kids in that flashing cabin.
Then you gotta fight Jason like a dream warrior like Laurence Fish--
You gotta fight him like fucking Punch Out!
What?
Oh my god! It's actually Punch Out.
What is this weird horse shit?
Where's his knife?
Ahhh! He fucking killed me!
Ah, he's super tough.
Super tough!
Now you gonna play a different character.
Okay, I gotta remember who's got a good jump.
Oh, it's a bad jump.
I need the knife.
You need the knife so bad.
My rules are:
Get the knife,
Yeah?
Get the knife,
And get the knife?
Get the knife.
Oh, shit.
Children!
Oh god. He's at the lake!
You gotta go left.
Ya gotta haul ass.
To Lollapalooza, but I have to-
There's the knife!
Oh shit!
Thank you!
Hurry your ass off.
I'm going, I'm going.
You need to save the babies.
"Thank you!"
These aren't kids that you can like get anything from.
Oh.
They're on energies so like-
Take from them.
[Hoarse laughter]
Take everything!
Nothing.
No, they don't want it.
Can you fight Jason in here too- or what?
AH!
OHSHIT! He got a machete!
Ah, is that a machete? Really?
Yeah.
It's not a very good looking machete.
But weirdly it makes it easier to fight...
Oh!
So okay-
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So fast!
He's so fast!
Yeah!
He's dead as shit.
You're doing it.
You win... for now.
This is not true to the spirit of Jason.
What would be?
He kills you and you die!
"Thank you," Debbie says.
And now Debbie and you bone.
So--
Super hard.
I wish.
There is no character in--
Heeyyyyyy, gurl.
Y'know what saves you from Jason?
Co-pu-la-tion!
This dick!
So what do you do now?
You have to wander to the house and Jason might be in there.
Axe!
This is bullshit.
This is dumb.
Why?
Why what?
Why would he switch up from his machete?
I-, Maybe he lost it?
It's his favorite.
Laura, you're my favorite.
Was she?
Oh, let's go hang out in the forest. Let's fuck with Jason's mom.
You're not gonna live. You're gonna die.
Because you can find Jason's mom's sweater in the forest.
Oh, I'm not doing good.
You're so dumb.
Not doing good.
It'll be-- that's-- there! There it is!
Now you're in the evil dark scary forest where that ninja game takes place.
Ooo!
Ohhh!
Wow, wow.
I did not know that Jason has a team of hyper-intelligent fox dogs.
Yeah, well, what good killer wouldn't?
*bark*
[Luna]: Krissi's fast as shit.
[Celestia]: Look at her.
She got all that... strong legs from working on the track team.
I mean to say that she was on track, not that she was working on the team.
That's exactly what you said.
Yeah.
Which is... which is gross.
It's not great.
It'd probably be pretty great.
Ah, noooo.
I-I knew- I knew! [Rambling]
You're not... you're not cautious.
Ughhh George- You're my one dude left.
That's why Jason's better at Punch Out than you.
George looks like shit!
He's like, "Yeeeah!"
"Jason come get this shit!"
"Bitch!"
You and your friends are dead!
Game Over!
Fucking dead!
I really wish you were dead...
Nah!