(slow drums)
- [Jamie] Dear BuzzFeed,
when I was four, I just thought I was like any other boy.
As I grew a little older,
I started realizing I was different.
(soft music)
For awhile I believed that I was just
a late developer.
By the time I realized this wasn't going to happen,
I was seven or eight.
At this age, I did everything I could to fit in
and be seen as one of the boys.
I wore all boys clothes,
was happy when people used male pronouns for me
when out in public, and I got my hair cut short.
A combination of secondary school, age 11,
and puberty forced me into thinking
I had to accept the way I was physically
and I tried to fit in as female during my early teens.
I could never find clothes I liked,
felt uncomfortable in anything I wore,
and disliked my hair being long.
When I was 16, I watched a documentary on Channel 4
about a trans guy.
The way he was feeling and how he had felt
flicked a switch and I suddenly had a name
for how I was feeling
and realized that I actually live as who I felt I was.
Between my first and second year at college
I came out as transgender
and went back as Jamie for my A Levels.
I told my mum first,
who in turn told my dad any my brother.
I then told my group of friends
and finally my girlfriend,
who was my best friend at the time.
I'm so grateful that they were all amazingly supportive
and over time this increased
as they understood more and more.
My mum and I went to speak to my GP
about being referred to a gender identity clinic
so that I could pursue hormones and eventually surgery.
The day I started testosterone was incredibly exciting.
My dad picked up my prescription for me
and it was sitting waiting for me
when I got home from college.
Hey, so I just got home and saw this.
As the weeks and months went by,
I noticed more and more changes.
I've had a definite voice drop in the last month.
Now my muscles are more defined
and they are bigger.
It's my voice.
It's breaking as well.
I've also got peach fuzz beard going on.
(laughs)
All these changes made me feel
so much more comfortable with myself,
and as grateful and happy as I was to be on hormones,
I knew I needed top surgery.
Six months later I had the surgery.
The recovery was uncomfortable and frustrating.
It took a couple months for me
to start properly seeing the full effects
and for the benefits of having a flat chest.
I'm super happy with my chest.
It's completely settled now
and the only thing that's changing
is my scars are continuing to fade.
I'm really happy with where they're at now
but they seem to just keep getting lighter,
which is pretty awesome.
Now, a little over three years later,
I still feel grateful for my chest all the time.
The positive impact that it's had on my life
is indescribable.
I'm at a stage in my life now where I feel content
and so much more comfortable
with myself and with my body.
My self-esteem and confidence has increased massively
and I feel a sense of freedom and acceptance
with who I am now.
Something that made everything easier in the beginning
was having a support network.
I was incredibly fortunate to have strong support
from my friends and family.
If I were to advise anyone who was just starting out
or about to start their transition,
I would say that patience will be your best friend.
Support is crucial from wherever you can get it,
and concentrate on the little things
and what you can change now.
This is a hard process that at times will feel impossible,
and impossibly slow,
but you will get there one day.
(soft music)
(electronic music)