- You may now kiss the bride.
- Just uh, just gonna do one of those.
Hi, I'm Zach and I'm single as fuck.
- Zach, don't fall in love with me.
Hi, I'm Ashly, I'm gonna marry Zach for a week.
Which is probably a huge mistake.
- It's gonna be great!
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Honestly, a lot of the time, I love being single.
I really do.
- I do whatever I want, whenever I want.
I'm an independent woman.
- I've never had to plan my life around another person.
I'm not good at letting people into my life.
- Committing to another person for the rest of your life
is a crazy, crazy...
- You said that, and my heartbeat just went up.
(gasps)
- I want to be in relationships, I do.
- At some point, I want to share my life
with someone, and the logistics of that
seem a little frightening.
- This is like, immersion therapy.
- Are you gonna carry me over the threshold?
- [Zach] No, you carry me.
- Why do you have so much shit?
- Because we're gonna be together for a week.
- Four texts a day, five meals over the course
of a week, two nice things that are
completely unplanned.
- Each?
- Each.
- Let's just do one.
- Where do I put my stuff?
- Oh my god, I didn't even think about this.
I guess I'll have to move my kimono.
So I think, at some point, I'm just going to
want him to shut up.
- Really, I'm making your bed?
- It's our bed.
And I know he is definitely gonna want me
to shut up.
The only CD that I have in my car is Taylor Swift
and then I Spotify... - She's almost a year old now.
- It doesn't matter, it's the best CD.
- Like most married couples, it's gonna be
completely sexless.
(laughs)
Would you say that's accurate?
- No.
- How do you sleep?
- I sleep in fetal position,
like a little baby. - So do I.
- You have to be comfortable around the other person.
- Broccoli makes you fart.
I assume it's gonna teach me a lot about myself.
Best part about being married so far?
Ashley has got citrus mimosa shampoo.
I smell like a damn tree.
Definitely gonna teach me a lot about Ashley.
- Ooh, Wonder Woman pajamas.
We should probably get some alcohol.
Maybe we'll want popsicles.
Look how cool those tank is.
- [Zach] Ashly, Ashly, eye on the prize.
It's been similar so far to friendship,
but it's just longer.
- Yeah.
This is a long, long friendship.
- And with retainer.
(laughs)
- Don't fall in love with me.
- Stop saying that.
- Zach.
For me, the hardest thing to conceptualize
is like, your freedom is just gone.
- Ashly told me she wants a divorce.
- I do.
Zach was stressing me out so much.
Stop filming me.
- [Zach] We need to talk this out.
- We're not Kardashians!
- Even in the second day of marriage,
we started resenting how much time
we were spending together, and that's not good.
Okay, I'll have you know, that Adam asked me
to get dinner, and I said no, I'm gonna order dinner
for my wife.
- There have gotta be moments where you
have panic about like, "Oh my god,
"I just signed up for the rest of my life."
- Have we made up from our fight yet?
- Yep, cuz I got a funny Snapchat of you.
- My hair looks stupid.
- Your hair was silly.
You definitely need time where you're just
not even engaging with the other person
and it's not rude.
- I hate planning dates.
Oh, it's such a nightmare.
It just stresses me out.
- Hi.
- Hey Pumpkin, we're gonna be late for
our double dinner date with the Fulmers.
- Another thing is hanging out with your couples friends.
So you're gonna go on a date night.
- With you and Ariel? - Gonna go on a double date
with me and Ariel.
It's great!
- We brought wine.
- White wine.
- We're late, but Zach found a great parking spot.
- Yeah.
- Hello!
- The Kornrezzes are here!
- We don't have any pictures of us making out
in our house.
- [Zach] We don't have any pictures of us in general.
- [Ashly] This is so adult.
Date night with the Fulmers made me realize
why people get married.
- We are pounding meat for our wives,
pounding meat.
- For our wives!
- Date night with the Fulmers was the shit.
They made a really delicious dinner
which I'm not accustomed to anyone cooking for me.
Like, what a delight. - [Ashly] Yeah.
- A friend cooked for me.
How delightful is that?
- There really is a moment in every adult's life
where you're like, just tired of being single.
Would you get bored of this if this was your whole life?
- I don't know, I don't think so.
- That was wonderful, shall we go home now?
- Tomorrow has some prasu...
tomorrow has some surprises in store
for you, Ashly.
- [Ashly] Are you drunk?
- Uh, drunk on love.
Drunk on marriage.
I realized I've never planned a romantic date
for anyone.
I hate planning dates.
Today is like a day of niceties
and surprises.
- Zach had so many surprises for me.
It was fucking crazy.
- Having a special day that's like,
"This is our date night", it encourages you
to think outside the box.
- It feels weird cuz it's like, not my birthday or anything.
It's just my marriage.
- Ashly loves theme parks and it's been
hot as balls out, so later today, we're going
to a water park.
I got one more thing before the water park.
- Oh! - A wedding photo of us.
- This is so cheesy.
I do love word art.
Right in front of Taylor.
- [Zach] Now we're a family.
- I'm gonna keep that forever, that's hilarious.
(shouting and cheering)
- Oh, here we go!
Oh, my butt is dragging!
Oh no, I'm backwards!
- Woo!
Thank you, Ashly.
- You're welcome.
- [Zach] Married couples probably don't go to water parks
unless they have kids, but that's the kind of
married couple we would be.
- That was so fun.
- That was a good test, cuz it was a test of
can Ashly and I just spend a ton of time together
and not go crazy - [Ashly] Kill each other.
- [Zach] wanting to kill each other?
And we succeeded.
We both said, as soon as we got home,
"I had a fun day.
"I don't wanna be with you any more."
So we're just gonna sit next to each other
and try and be alone in the same room.
("Senorita" by Justin Timberlake)
- Final night of marriage.
- Last night of marriage, we're going to my
favorite pho place.
- Fo?
- Pho.
- [Zach] Monday was our final day.
It was kinda bittersweet.
- And the weird thing was, last night it felt so normal.
I forgot for a second that I wasn't actually married.
- I got mostly fruit, so it's healthy.
- You didn't get even a little bit of fruit.
It's nice to have someone who's always
on your team.
And marriage really is teamwork.
Wow.
I think this is all married people do.
- Just watch TV in bed and drink wine.
- Watch TV and drink white wine.
- Now that it's over, I'm like, kinda sad.
You ready?
- Divorce on three.
- [Both] One, two, three, divorce!
- Oh no.
Marriage is fuckin' hard, y'all.
- You really can't put yourself first.
- And that is like (blows) what?
It's scary, to open yourself to another human being
but it can also be really rewarding.
And I see that now.
I wanna get married someday.
Do you?
- Yeah, totally.
- But not to each other.
- No.
- Definitely not to each other.
- Maybe a little, but not really.
- Don't fall in love with me, Ashly.
- That's my line.
We called each other Pumpkin throughout the week.
- I heard someone else call Ashly Pumpkin,
and I got furious.
I was like, "Back the fuck off.
"That's my Pumpkin."
- Sexual intimacy is a big part of any relationship.
- Different video.
- [Ned] Okay.