- How many single people does it take
to open a package of chocolate?
(grunting) - [Both] Oo!
- Eat it. - No.
- Eat it 'cause I love you.
(upbeat music)
- Love is great, Valentine's Day sucks ass.
- I hate Valentine's Day.
I can't wait for it to be over.
- I like chocolate.
It kind of ends there.
- All you have to do is look at my dad cap
and my otter shirt to know
I'm spending Valentine's Day alone.
- I think that suits you, so cute.
- It does suit me, that's the problem.
- People in relationships have much better
places to be than Starbucks on Valentine's Day.
- I don't like sugary shit.
What's happening?
Are you drunk?
No, why does everyone always think I'm drunk?
- What's the difference between
molten and just normal chocolate?
- You know those cakes where you like
you cut into them and the chocolate just like--
- Well, how are they gonna do that in a drink?
- I don't know.
- To love.
- To lack thereof.
- Oh, it's so bitter.
- That's not even that bitter.
This is sweet as (bleep).
- I mean, I think life is bittersweet
so why not have your coffee bittersweet?
- Sweet, sickly, and thick.
Yeah, that's like Valentine's Day.
- No one needs these calories, man.
Just eat a dessert.
- I know, just have like a brownie
with your coffee.
- Yeah, I'd much rather,
you can dip the brownie in there.
- Yeah. - Yum, yum, yum.
- This one looks chocolatier already.
Is chocolatier a word?
(slurping) - Is that how you
drink beverages? - It's hot!
(slurping)
That's why you're single.
- The only thing more Valentine's Day about this
is that it's like sweeter
and like, "I love you sweetie,"
which like saying that makes me
want to gag and vomit.
- Single or in a couple, you're not gonna
sit there and just drink a hot chocolate
on Valentine's Day.
- No one's ever loved me enough to buy me
a hot chocolate or coffee so.
- I love you enough.
- People are going crazy for this stuff.
- Yeah, if you're a basic (bleep),
this hot chocolate's for you.
This is the Beyonce of the group for sure.
- This is how single I am right now.
Like this is so much more attractive to me
than like a date.
- But why wouldn't they have like
a nice pink icing or something, you know?
- Or something!
- Some people are like,
"Oh, this looks so delicious."
I'm like, "I don't want a dessert in a cup."
- Me either.
- Mm.
- Oh my god, that is sweet.
- That is so good (laughs).
No!
- I would drink this when I was 12.
And now.
- What does this have to do with this?
Tell me now.
- You could put that in this, there ya go.
- This is what I'm going to be doing
on Valentine's Day, alone in my bed
drinking this all day long.
- I take everything back.
If someone got this for me on Valentine's Day,
I would (bleep) them so good.
It's better than taking me to Red Lobster.
- It's hard to mess up chocolate.
- I'm ready, Starbucks, to make a committment to you.
- The market's missing an opportunity to
target people who are not in relationships
on Valentine's Day.
They should do like
the You Don't Need No Man latte.
- Yeah, I don't need a man.
- I don't need no man, I'm good.
- [Woman in Maroon Shirt] You know what,
I would like a Starbucks wine.
Like a nice red wine.
- I had wine at a Starbucks in
the LAX airport over Christmas.
- Wow, see?
- Why aren't we doing that taste test?
- Yeah. - That's one a single
person can get right on.
- That's just called getting drunk in a bar.
- Oh.