(cheerful orchestral music)
(upbeat rock music)
- [Zack] John Smith.
- [Justin] Boring.
- Just like his name, boring.
- I think John Smith is real smelly.
Got some smegma buildup, I'm not (bleep) John Smith.
- When you come from a family of racists,
it's hard to change, but he changes.
- Which is hot.
- Boring, next.
- [Chris] Prince from Snow White looks like Liza Minnelli.
- Yeah, he does look like a porcelain doll.
- He looks like a child.
- He looks like Kris Jenner, I wouldn't do it.
♫ Hello, Cinderella, I'm here ♫
- I don't know but he's got the
swagger of someone that's hung.
- Would you let him suck your dick?
- No.
- I would (bleep) Prince Charming.
- [Chris] Prince Phillip's dressed
like it's easy season three.
- Dude, he looks like Bieber.
- He looks just like Bieber.
- He's giving me a half chubby best.
- Would you?
- Would I wake up from a deep slumber from his kiss?
Maybe.
Li Shang.
- I gotta say, by Asian standards,
this guy's not a good-looking guy.
- What?
- He's too strong for me.
- I would feel turned on if he thought I was hot.
- We'd have great test tube babies.
- Oh, you know what, though?
He is rockin' the man bun,
which is before its time. - [Zack] Yeah, that's cool.
- [Keith] It's hard to judge an animal
on its hotness, but let's try.
- I think Beast is hotter.
- See the claws, see the teeth?
- You don't like it rough, Rodney?
- Not like that, man, I wanna walk away from my experience.
- Is this guy a ging?
- Yeah, it's crazy that Disney made
the bold choice of making him a ging.
I prefer the Beast to Prince Adam.
- I'll tell you that he is the most ideal
cuddle partner in the Disney universe.
Flynn Rider, Tangled.
- [Rodney] No.
- I don't know about this chin scruff.
- No, he looks almost evil.
That's a thing. - [Zack] No.
Look it, that guy looks evil?
That guy's a freakin' dreamboat.
- [Zach] I don't fight people, but he seems
like someone that I would want to get into a fight with.
- 100 percent.
- He looks like a cross between you and me though.
- Oh, I get that.
- Kristoff is definitely not hot.
He's a little chubby German boy.
"Mama, I want more chocolate."
- He looks like everyone I know from Minnesota.
- I'm more into
Olaf than Kristoff. - [Rodney] I'm not.
- [Justin] They gave him the shaggy hair
'cause he's in this cold environment.
Why didn't they just give him a beard?
- Because he's too young. - [Justin] That's interesting,
dude, they'd never give Disney characters
a beard 'cause it looks creepy.
- [Kevin] He looks pretty handsome, I'd fuck him for sure.
- He's charming, he's got a sense of humor,
delightful accent, and he plays music.
He's hot.
- He is nicely build, but he's
not (bleep) huge like John Smith.
- How do these people find so much time to work out?
- [Zach] Eric's hot.
- I question his motives 'cause when you wanna...
- Hook up with a fish?
- With a fish, that's weird.
- If you introduced me to your new boyfriend
and he looked like Prince Eric, I wouldn't trust him.
- No, he's got blue eyes and black hair.
- He's got a dog, he's romantic.
- Also, how come his dog couldn't talk
but all the sea animals could talk?
- Aladdin wins me over 'cause he's a
"started from the bottom, now we're here" kinda dude.
- Definitely the best.
- I think Aladdin's more cute than he is hot.
Look at him, look it, that's cute.
- I'd go on that magic carpet ride
and I would not dare close my eyes.
- I say you settle down with Aladdin.
- And he knows how to rub a lamp.
- I got a pretty big lamp too.
- I have an accessible and moderately-sized lamp.
- I want to see a Disney movie
where two peasants fall in love
and neither of 'em become rich.
- Yeah, why do they always
gotta be a prince - [Justin] Yeah, why?
- [Zack] or a princess, why can't it
just be like, "Hey, I'm a banker"?