- Please put me in you and let me wiggle around
until I start spitting wildly!
(upbeat music)
Halloween is a time for ladies to dress sexy,
and dudes to dress stupid.
- Straight dudes are obsessed with dicks.
- They're just funny!
- Naturally, every Halloween, you see
a bunch of dudes wearing gross dick costumes.
(Keith makes a barfing noise)
- Why the fuck is everyone talking about penises so much?
- They're floppy, they get hard,
they have little funny hats.
- Guys should try to look sexy on Halloween too,
and the least sexy thing you can do
is to look like a pervert.
- We're gonna join in on the fun.
- I'm fully naked and ready
to try on some Halloween costumes!
- [Voiceover] Modern Halloween fashion
inspired by the Middle East.
- I'm like a droopy hot dog.
(Keith makes a flute noise)
- It's a snake charmer!
- I was promised penis.
(Eugene laughs)
- Oh, the inference is that my dick is gonna bite you.
- This is a little racist.
- Do I just put it between my butt cheeks? Oh!
- The snake's got no eyes, this is a shitty snake.
- If I'm gonna have a fake dick,
at least I want a cool fake dick.
- The best use of this is just to scare people.
(yells)
- Who would think this is a good idea?
- Ow! Ow! Something bit me, or something in the suit.
There'd better not be a spider in here.
- ♫ The hills are alive, with the sound of
culturally insensitive dick comedy.
- [Voiceover] Free breathalyzer tests.
- First of all the guy in the costume looks like Pewdie Pie.
- You're supposed to blow on the dick.
- Has this ever worked?
- People would have to be pretty wasted
to find you attractive in this.
Also, if you want someone to suck your dick
wear something cute.
(Keith laughs)
- Does it make my butt look good?
Worthless.
(Keith laughs)
- I'd rather go as a hot vacuum cleaner,
'cause at least the function is cool.
- [Keith] Why is there a pie chart?
- Maths, graphs!
- It makes sense to me that the math
on here doesn't make sense,
because I assume anyone who wears this costume
did flunk out of school.
- But if I saw somebody wearing this,
I'd probably suck their dick.
(blowing noises)
- [Voiceover] There's nothing less sexy than a sex offender.
- This next one's special!
- This is the sexy Bernie Sanders costume.
- Ahh, there's a dick in my face!
- Weiner alert!
- Ohh, I just grabbed it by the dick.
- Now I'm horrifying.
- Hi!
- So this outfit is called the flasher.
I'll show you why.
- Honey, I'm home!
- They only come in white.
Oh I have a big problem with this costume.
- That's not how a nut sack works.
- They don't each get their own bag!
- My wife would divorce me if I wore this.
- It's awful.
However, I'm excited to see a montage
of everybody trying to helicopter with it.
- It's not the true weight of a penis.
- See you later boner body.
Oh hello, boner body.
(Eugene laughs)
- Do we just stick it in?
- It's got a long shaft.
- This is what a sperm must feel like.
- I've always wondered what it would be like
to be a huge embarrassment to my family.
- Wrong hole. I'm a penis!
- Eyes up here.
- Though it'd be funny if it had a hole
for your actual dick to stick out.
Dickception!
- Obviously the life of a party.
- Where do you put your wallet and keys?
- I have a history of not liking giant dicks.
- I feel like this is something some fashion designer
would send down the Paris runway.
Oh this does kind of look like the Yeezy line doesn't it?
- How does my head look?
- Do I look uncircumcised now?
- How cute would it be
if we just had a nice little shoulder shawl?
You put a little hood!
- They're really dicking me over with the padding.
- I think everybody in the world can agree
that this is too funny.
Now let me run around!
(Keith caws like a bird)
(Eugene laughs)
- Penis!
- Let me inside of you!
(Zach spits)
What, what else do you say when you're a big dick?
Look at me, I'm the cock of the walk!
- It's not that you're wearing a dick costume,
it's how you wear it.
- The only way that I would be cool with this
is if I saw a bunch of girls wearing this.
You go girl, you own that dick.
- [Voiceover] Oh god, what is that!
- Did you just throw a vagina at me?
- Well if you thought the penis was bad,
what about a vagina?
- Someone dropped it on the ground,
our vagina's dirty already.
Just gotta get a little spit in there.
- This actually is very similar
to costumes my mom would make for me when I was a kid.
In construction!
- This isn't a great vagina.
- Do I look cute?
- First off, you can't penetrate it.
- Hey!
Look who's ready to party!
- Where's the clitoris? Am I the-?
- Is my face the clitoris?
- Am I the clitoris? Oh my god.
I'm the clitoris!
- So I should rub it?
- ♫ Teachin' kids about sex!
- Who's your audience?
- Keep that closed 'til you're ready to get pregnant!
'Cause that's what'll happen if ya'll kids have sex.
- At the very least, there should be a hole
so I could like throw babies at people
from the inside of my stomach.
- This is fetus-Eugene.
- What a toasty vagina!
- It's hot as fuck in this vagina!
This is the warmest vagina I've ever been in.
- This is like, negative sexy points.
- One giant vagina is gonna keep
all the vagina's away, I promise you that.
- I wanna know, who buys these costumes.
- They're all gross.
- My advice is, don't wear these.
- You know, if wanna dress up as a giant dick,
or a giant vagina, go ahead.
Just know that people probably
are gonna wanna not talk to you again.
- [All] Happy Halloweiner!
- And happy Hallovaginer!
Get in there! Get in there!
Get inside, yes, come one, all the way in!
(blowing sound)
- What's weird is that I feel the vibrations
of you blowing, vibrating my dick,
so it is doing somethin'!
- Heyyy!