WEBVTT Kind: captions Language: en 00:00:00.335 --> 00:00:03.252 (light rock music) 00:00:04.879 --> 00:00:07.162 - [Voiceover] While out for an ale at The Flatted Crossbow, 00:00:07.162 --> 00:00:10.667 Princess Brittania's heart was pierced with Cupid's arrow. 00:00:10.667 --> 00:00:12.246 But the hope of new love does little 00:00:12.246 --> 00:00:14.422 to erase the past of evil exes. 00:00:14.422 --> 00:00:17.142 Some shadows you never escape. 00:00:17.142 --> 00:00:19.499 - (in a devil's voice) Britannia! 00:00:19.499 --> 00:00:21.620 (heavy rock music) It's been ages! 00:00:21.620 --> 00:00:22.453 - Hurndia, 00:00:23.433 --> 00:00:25.077 hardly recognized you, new horns or-- 00:00:25.077 --> 00:00:26.176 - I just got them (mumbles). 00:00:26.176 --> 00:00:27.031 - Cool, cool, cool. 00:00:27.031 --> 00:00:28.227 Um, so what've you been up to? 00:00:28.227 --> 00:00:30.157 - Oh my gosh, I've been busy as a monk. 00:00:30.157 --> 00:00:31.863 I got a new dragon, 00:00:31.863 --> 00:00:33.527 crushed a princess to death by a spindle, 00:00:33.527 --> 00:00:35.074 you know, a hex here, a hex there. 00:00:35.074 --> 00:00:36.696 - Yup, the usual, cool. 00:00:36.696 --> 00:00:38.018 You still dating what's-her-face? 00:00:38.018 --> 00:00:39.117 - No. (tisks) 00:00:39.117 --> 00:00:41.175 - She was seeing Mog, who tends the stables, behind my back. 00:00:41.175 --> 00:00:43.853 So I burnt down her castle and slaughtered all her horses. 00:00:43.853 --> 00:00:45.783 - You know, I heard about that and instantly I was like, 00:00:45.783 --> 00:00:46.733 that was Hurndia. 00:00:46.733 --> 00:00:47.610 I thought that was you. 00:00:47.610 --> 00:00:48.933 - It was. - Cool. 00:00:48.933 --> 00:00:50.381 - What are looking for? Oh! 00:00:50.381 --> 00:00:51.214 I see an ogre I need to scorn 00:00:51.214 --> 00:00:53.426 to a lifetime of being swarmed by bees. 00:00:53.426 --> 00:00:55.175 (in a devil's voice) Don't move. 00:00:55.175 --> 00:00:56.530 Gerardo! 00:00:56.530 --> 00:00:57.936 No, you walk away from me-- 00:00:57.936 --> 00:00:59.697 - Thank heavens, I thought you had left me. 00:00:59.697 --> 00:01:01.692 - Impossible, numbing spell. 00:01:01.692 --> 00:01:03.484 - T'was that your old flame? 00:01:03.484 --> 00:01:04.390 - Yup. 00:01:04.390 --> 00:01:06.183 - I always envisioned her to be more-- 00:01:06.183 --> 00:01:08.028 - Ugly, less hot? - Yeah. 00:01:08.028 --> 00:01:09.554 - Why did you two cut ties? 00:01:09.554 --> 00:01:11.484 - Ooh, where to begin. 00:01:11.484 --> 00:01:13.817 She was incredibly jealous-- 00:01:14.976 --> 00:01:15.893 - Kill her. 00:01:16.760 --> 00:01:17.805 - Like, 00:01:17.805 --> 00:01:18.638 right now? 00:01:18.638 --> 00:01:20.330 - Like, right now, Neil! - Okay. 00:01:20.330 --> 00:01:22.347 - She was incredibly self-obsessed. 00:01:22.347 --> 00:01:23.540 Hey, you ready to go? 00:01:23.540 --> 00:01:26.123 - I am the fairest of them all. 00:01:27.124 --> 00:01:28.276 - Okay. 00:01:28.276 --> 00:01:29.599 I always had this sneaking suspicion 00:01:29.599 --> 00:01:32.223 that when she was mad at me, she was trying to poison me. 00:01:32.223 --> 00:01:34.207 - Thanks, but I'm actually allergic to apples. 00:01:34.207 --> 00:01:35.370 - Damn it to hell! 00:01:35.370 --> 00:01:37.375 - Why did you court for so long? 00:01:37.375 --> 00:01:38.625 - I don't know, 00:01:40.735 --> 00:01:42.964 maybe I just didn't think I deserved better. 00:01:42.964 --> 00:01:46.047 (moving piano music) 00:01:48.063 --> 00:01:49.024 (glass breaking) 00:01:49.024 --> 00:01:52.394 - Oh hell, do you remember that horseman who wooed me 00:01:52.394 --> 00:01:54.752 at the Harpkin Chateau, yes. 00:01:54.752 --> 00:01:55.967 He's here. 00:01:55.967 --> 00:01:57.023 Do I look the plague? 00:01:57.023 --> 00:01:58.440 - You look great. 00:01:59.627 --> 00:02:01.268 - Apologies for the delay, 00:02:01.268 --> 00:02:03.444 it turns out their is more than one way to skin a cat. 00:02:03.444 --> 00:02:04.937 - I hope that was strictly metaphorical. 00:02:04.937 --> 00:02:06.337 - It wasn't, shall we share a pint 00:02:06.337 --> 00:02:08.310 and listen to all my problems while I have no interest 00:02:08.310 --> 00:02:09.877 in hearing any of yours? 00:02:09.877 --> 00:02:11.544 - Actually, Hurndia, 00:02:12.822 --> 00:02:13.811 I'm busy. 00:02:13.811 --> 00:02:17.246 - (laughter) That's adorable but, 00:02:17.246 --> 00:02:18.995 see I have all this power over you, so, 00:02:18.995 --> 00:02:20.075 or you chat with me. 00:02:20.075 --> 00:02:21.173 - You know what fine. 00:02:21.173 --> 00:02:22.987 Conjure up a spell to paralyze me, 00:02:22.987 --> 00:02:25.621 kill my pet goat, Francis. - Francis was 11. 00:02:25.621 --> 00:02:26.454 - Poison me again. 00:02:26.454 --> 00:02:27.343 - Who told you that was poison in there? 00:02:27.343 --> 00:02:29.114 - I'm no longer captive to your darkness. 00:02:29.114 --> 00:02:30.554 - We'll see about that. 00:02:30.554 --> 00:02:32.750 We'll, we'll see, (ticking) 00:02:32.750 --> 00:02:33.583 Brittania? 00:02:33.583 --> 00:02:35.667 Brittania, Brittania? - Did you hex her? 00:02:35.667 --> 00:02:37.395 - No worse, I told her the truth. 00:02:37.395 --> 00:02:39.753 - What, you think you can do better than me? 00:02:39.753 --> 00:02:41.054 Look at this! 00:02:41.054 --> 00:02:43.145 Look at all of this! 00:02:43.145 --> 00:02:44.169 - How'd it go with the Bill? 00:02:44.169 --> 00:02:47.294 - Someone killed all of the horses in the castle, 00:02:47.294 --> 00:02:49.627 so he's quite mournful. - Oh. 00:02:51.220 --> 00:02:52.254 Two cauldron waters for me 00:02:52.254 --> 00:02:53.940 and my best hand-maiden, please. 00:02:53.940 --> 00:02:56.234 - Oh, thanks Princess B. 00:02:56.234 --> 00:02:57.067 - Damn it. 00:02:59.102 --> 00:03:00.404 Rot. 00:03:00.404 --> 00:03:01.470 - To true love. 00:03:01.470 --> 00:03:02.857 - To a different political system 00:03:02.857 --> 00:03:06.185 that offers upward mobility. (clink) 00:03:06.185 --> 00:03:09.091 Bring on the good stuff. - Yeah. 00:03:09.091 --> 00:03:10.619 I don't think it's syphilis. 00:03:10.619 --> 00:03:13.436 - [Woman With Hood] Honey wine please, thank you. 00:03:13.436 --> 00:03:14.715 Brittania. 00:03:14.715 --> 00:03:16.240 - Hey Jessfethat. 00:03:16.240 --> 00:03:18.700 - [Voiceover] And so, the spell of her former flame broken, 00:03:18.700 --> 00:03:21.622 the princess and her loyal comrade dined. 00:03:21.622 --> 00:03:22.455 - (laughter)I think you just like, 00:03:22.455 --> 00:03:23.700 don't know how funny you are. 00:03:23.700 --> 00:03:24.934 - [Voiceover] And done. - I think you really 00:03:24.934 --> 00:03:26.619 understand that-- - And done. 00:03:26.619 --> 00:03:27.516 - Satire. 00:03:27.516 --> 00:03:30.433 (heavy rock music)