We're going on a trip.
My name is Arjen Lamé.
And in the summer of 2010 I went on a road trip through southern England.
It was a trip of self-discovery and adventure...
...and perhaps I should have learned something from it.
Anyway, this is my report.
Well, I survived the trip...
...I guess...
And, em, I'm currently here...
...at Howfeld Manor.
Fifty Pounds.
It is, eh...
Rather basic, actually.
And my room is there, in the corner.
Alright.
This is the first hotel room.
It's not big but, em...
...it's got everything I need.
TV with a thousand channels...
...almost literally.
And the most important thing is...
...free wifi. Quite convenient.
Castle.
Eeeh, yea. Seeminly, I arrived at Canterbury castle.
Castle.
But it looks rather rubbish.
It definitely had better days.
Oh, look.
A door.
Let's go through it.
Ooooh, spooky.
Y'know....
Kinda looks like a skull.
With the two windows and that hole there.
Funny.
Hey! You there!
Bunch of assholes!
Oh well.
And seemingly this thing had-
Hello...
You free-loaders.
Well, I just had it with this here castle.
Oh.
What is this?
Hmmmm...
Text.
Why!
It's almost like it has a little sign...
"This was the trial version...
pay twenty euros and you may continue".
Well, yea, let move on...
...let's head back.
Hmmm...
Church.
Tourists.
Hey.
Starbucks.
Let's go have some.
Hmmm...
Street musicians.
...that's less fortunate.
Old.
Oh yea...
...this is fantastic...
...Netherlands, I want Starbucks.
I want it now!
Ok.
And suddenly I find myself in London.
S'cuse me.
And, eh, yea...
...it's a shady neighborhood...
...with people who can't drive...
...and...
Whut.
Almost in the city centre, but not entirely...
...more like a suburb or something.
I have my own parking spot...
...with squirrels.
What the fuck.
So, and now it's time for a Bavaria.
I mean, you guys, check this out.
Because someone silly didn't do their job...
...I'm faced with...
...three beds.
This is too much bed.
This is definitely too much bed.
I can't use all this bed all by myself.
Whole... whole story here.
Boring! Not gonna read that.
I guess this is another three million channels.
The only downside is that you...
...have a wonderful view over...
...shady people on the street.
Oh, and this is quite neat...
Check this out.
Em, yea, uh...
...from that parking lot, em...
...I suddenly find myself in London, city centre, of.
Look at this shady thing.
If something is Victorian...
...and steampunk, I'm sure this is it.
Greenwich.
Oh joy.
This is quite an impressive statue.
Not necessarily because it is big...
...even though it certainly helps.
But upon closer inspection we can see...
...that it is some sort of 3D...
...slideshow.
I don't think the camera is doing it enough justice...
...because of a lack of light.
It's kinda grainy.
But it should give you an impression of how it is...
...to see this in real life.
And this is the station...
This is where the Eurostar arrives from Fran- Paris and from Brussles nowadays.
The station is designed to recreate the Victorian atmosphere...
...to recreate...
...that was the norm...
...back then.
There...
...that was enough London for one trip.
And now I'm somewhere in the middle of nowhere.
But the plan is to go to Brighton, so, eh...
Got some food here...
...got some of those scones.
And let's carry on, shall we?
Hmmm, it's the North sea.
And there's a pier.
But of course it's not as impressive as the one we'll find in Brighton.
And in case you don't know where we are, we're in, eh...
...Eastbourne.
This thing is shady.
A pier.
This one is definitely a tad different.
Oh well, this is, um...
Brighton, yea.
I have no idea what that is supposed to be.
But it's not finished.
Yea.
Cliffs... hmmm.
And suddenly I find myself on the pier.
Statue.
The HMS Victory.
And as if that isn't enough, we have...
...even more naval ships...
...like this here thing.
And this ship has some pretty odd camouflage...
...but seemingly it worked back in the day, so fair enough.
Well, here we are...
...on the Isle of Wight, and em...
...and I'm staying there.
Let's see, that kind of cliffs are all over the place...
...so let's see what we can find here.
Well, look...
...ain't that beautiful?
And, em...
...apparently, the main attraction...
...should be all the way back there...
...some- where.
Shady walking path here, next to that ledge...
...and ofcourse there is, em...
...a sign...
...'couse, em...
...it's not clear enough.
Me thinking it was completely safe, but...
Just look at it...
...this bit here...
...yea...
...super-safe, foolproof.
This airplane is shady.
Just look at it.
It's a super-small vessel.
Well, we're almost at...
...the Needles.
But, em...
...I just discovered something quaint here.
You see...
Seemingly, there were rocket tests from the fifties...
...up to the seventies...
...and this was like...
...their exhaust shaft.
Well, one thing before I head back...
...to Porthsmouth.
And that is this here...
...the Victoria house. Except...
...yea.
Except I already went in there...
...and you are not allowed to see it...
...because they don't want you to.
Well...
...it is literally...
...less than four hours before I...
...have to report back at the train station...
...so, I'm going to do one more thing.
Two things actually.
And one of which is...
...Bodiam castle...
It's that thing, there.
Yes.
We're here...
...all the way in the top.
It's just that something tells me that...
...this part here...
...is not part of the original design.
Fair enough.
And this is the staircase I came from.
You could say that this is the summer residence...
...slash house, slash...
...castle of some rich knight...
...who decided...
..."Well, you know what?
...let's protect myself from the French because those bastards...
...are wreking everything they see...
...and I don't want that to happen to me".
So yea, build a castle, why not.
If you got the money.
So try and imagine that everything covered in grind used to be...
...indoors.